The Doors That Shant Be Opened
Yesterday, my dog jumped on my lap to deliver urgent news. I was sitting in a recliner and my glasses fell off the top of my head and behind the chair. (An important detail that would necessitate ominous music if this was a British crime drama.) Gizmo's urgent...
Help Me Get Banned
This may come as a surprise, but writing books has NOT made me a billionaire. It hasn't made me a millionaire. It hasn't even made me a thousandaire. However, I have been able to keep my dog in a steady supply of rawhide bones, so he thanks you. So, I've been...
Thoughts on Thought Leaders
In my email today was a message from LinkedIn. The subject read: "Jeff, read the top 12 thought leader posts of the past year." I was intrigued. Not by the posts themselves, but by the thought of thought leaders. "Thought Leader" is one of those business buzzwords...
Victoria Hates Christina
My candidates for Congress Mammal don't like each other. I mean really don't like each other. Every day they send me postcards and letters telling me how bad the other person is and why I shouldn't vote for them. Their names are Victoria and Christina. Yesterday,...
How I Got Banned From Walgreens
I've had writer's block for 2 days. Maybe I got spoiled by the weather last week. You would think the turning leaves would inspire lots of words, but not so much. So, I decided to write about writer's block. It's kind of like word constipation, but there's no literary...
The Department of Obscure Questions
Due to a keen sense of needing to know useless trivia (along with not having anything else to write about today), I have decided to answer a deeply troubling question sent in by Outstanding Citizen Herbert Schwump of Austin, TX. Mr. Schwump writes: Dear Jeff, In what...