Thanksgiving is upon us. It’s time for overeating, bad football, and endless Black Friday ads. And it’s time for vegans and vegetarians to try to convince me that ToFurkey tastes like real turkey. It doesn’t. 

I’m not a fan of plant-based burgers either. And while I might agree with the notion that technology has brought fake meat ever closer to the taste of real meat, I’m not willing to embrace it. 

And the reason is simple: I don’t understand why people who don’t eat meat work so hard at making their food taste like meat. You don’t see me doing years of research and spending piles of R&D cash just to make a chicken wing taste like a carrot, do you? I’m not out there trying to make a ribeye steak taste like squash. 

And why? (Besides the fact that squash is nasty) Because as a carnivore, I stay in my lane. I want my plants to taste like plants and my meat to taste like meat and my hot to taste like chocolate. It’s not complicated. Life is complicated enough on its own. 

If you’re a vegan or a vegetarian, more power to you. I’m quite certain you are healthier and happier than me and will probably live longer. I have no problem with you. I plan to have a salad (comprised of plants that taste like plants) today in your honor. 

I do have a problem with the industry that markets to you. They need to stop turning beans into fake meat. Turn those beans into something useful. Like fuel, or plastics, or TVs the size of walls. 

In the meantime, enjoy your holiday whatever you eat. And know that regardless of whether you eat turkey or tofurkey, I’m grateful that you read my posts. 

photo credit: caren_ep tofurkey. via photopin (license)