This may come as a surprise, but writing books has NOT made me a billionaire. It hasn’t made me a millionaire. It hasn’t even made me a thousandaire. However, I have been able to keep my dog in a steady supply of rawhide bones, so he thanks you.
So, I’ve been thinking about how to increase sales. One idea I had was to die because some authors get more famous after death. I ran this idea by my wife, and she said I had to finish my to-do list first. There are at least two years worth of chores on that list, so posthumous success is out.
I thought about doing something outrageous to get in the news, but 2020 has left the world unshockable.
Then it hit me: I need to get banned. Banned books get attention. Banned books have cult followings. Banned books have whole college classes centered on them. Getting banned boosts sales!
There is only one problem: Trolley Dodgers isn’t offensive enough. In fact, it’s so unoffensive that Curled Up with a Good Kid’s Book gave it 5 out of 5 stars and it isn’t even a children’s book! How am I going to get banned with a review like that?
I’ll have to focus on getting one of the Quick Mysteries banned (or all of them). I plan to start with Tangled In The Web. It has a semi-sinister cover (scroll to the bottom to see it). What with the picture of the woman with the spider tattoo, there must be nefarious bannable activities going on inside, right? If I can just get them to ban it without actually reading it…
And, you can help. Call your local librarian and tell them to remove it from the shelves. If they don’t have it (which is a strong possibility) then ask your librarian to order it so you can complain about it. That’s all I ask. Get me banned. Or buy the book. I’m not picky.
photo credit: Jim_Nix Dr Ure’s Dictionary of Arts via photopin (license)
