A Tumor, A Burrito, Or Poo
Yesterday, I realized my appendix has been gone for six years. I haven’t missed it. We weren’t close. But it made me think, “Who is picking up the slack down there? Who took over the work of my appendix since it’s no longer there.” My wife then gave me an odd look and...
A Certificate of Congratulations!
This week I received an important letter from my state government. When I saw the official envelope, I immediately thought it was a tax-related issue. Such is the PTSD I have from last year when the IRS deposited my check and then promptly forgot where they put it. I...
Wings and Nuggets
It’s NCAA tournament time. And for those of you subscribers who are outside the U.S., it’s a three-week period when the authorities look the other way as we gamble on college basketball and eat lots of chicken wings. It’s like Mardi Gras, but with fewer exposed...
He’ll Taste Like Ribeye
I’m going to Arizona soon and I might not make it back alive. If I don’t, it’s been a good run. I’ve scheduled tweets for an entire year after my demise, just to mess with people’s heads. So, keep an eye out for those. The reason I’m in peril is I’m taking my entire...
Gravity Will Fix That
Recently we hired “handymen” to fix a hole in our ceiling and install a new light fixture. A previous team of so-called handymen had installed a light that was hanging by wishes and pixie dust. It hadn’t been attached to the support beams and was instead, just...
What Did I Miss?
I survived the ‘rona virus. That’s good news for me, but not such good news for the literary world as I will continue to write the type of nonsense you’ve all grown accustomed to reading. I won’t go into a lot of details, let’s just say there was a lot of phlegm...