It’s NCAA tournament time. And for those of you subscribers who are outside the U.S., it’s a three-week period when the authorities look the other way as we gamble on college basketball and eat lots of chicken wings. It’s like Mardi Gras, but with fewer exposed breasts.
And speaking of breasts, a Chicago man is suing a major chicken wing chain. It seems he was so traumatized to find out his boneless chicken wings were actually breast meat and not wing meat that he’s suing Buffalo Wild Wings. Frankly, I don’t know where to begin.
Wing aficionados have been making fun of “boneless wings” for years. They’re just chicken nuggets for adults. And everyone knows that even if they don’t want to admit it. How Mr. Chicago could get to the stage of his life where he has a job and an Instagram account and does not know boneless wings aren’t wings is beyond me. Do you have any idea how labor-intensive that would be? Who did he think was picking the chicken off the wing bones, rolling them into balls, and deep frying them? Oompa Loompas?
Our middle son is a GM for a small chain of chicken wing restaurants. I can attest under oath that they do NOT in fact employ Ooompa Loompas to construct “boneless chicken wings.” They do have a job program for formerly incarcerated Keebler elves, but they aren’t allowed anywhere near the chicken.
I have a feeling if this lawsuit is successful, a lot of restaurants are going to be changing the name of their “boneless wings” to some other clever title in an effort to avoid the more accurate name of “chicken nugget.” Advertising execs are licking their lips (see what I did there) thinking about the influx of business from restaurants.
But I hope he doesn’t win. Dumb is dumb and we shouldn’t incentivize it. Well, okay maybe not incentivize it with lawsuit settlements. Incentivize it by buying books from people who write about when they are being dumb. Like me, and that cottage cheese incident…
Carry on, Citizens!
