I just got back from New Orleans and I’m glad to be home. I saw a lot of unruliness down there. And not the fun kind people always talk about when they mention New Orleans. For example, on day one, I witnessed a guy pull a gun on another man right in the middle of the street. I was leaving a restaurant where I had just picked up my breakfast. It was a Cajun take on eggs benedict and I would have enjoyed it a lot more if my blood pressure hadn’t been through the roof from dodging early morning street fighting.

And by the way, when did morning people start pulling guns on each other? Is it something in the coffee down there? I mean most of us don’t start functioning until after 9ish and here these guys are fully awake, starting fights, and causing a ruckus before 8:00 AM.

I did manage to escape the scene without spilling my drink (which had no lid) or dropping my breakfast or adding any additional holes to my torso. I’m thinking the restaurant should rethink its no-lid policy if customers are going to have to navigate a shooting range for deranged morning people.

A few days later I saw the man who had a gun pulled on him, trying to pick another fight in the street. I wondered if he just had a death wish or something.

This excitement was bookended by my return flight being called back to the terminal and people being removed by police. I was too far away from the action to tell you with any certainty why they were taken off, but I’ve been telling all my friends they were international spies just for fun.

It could be worse. According to the Associated Press, three times since November a person has been arrested for peeing on another passenger on flights from New York to Delhi. I’m guessing the perpetrator realized that going to jail was far more appealing than going to Delhi and decided to take matters into their own hands, so to speak.

So, if my boss sends me back to New Orleans, I’m apologizing in advance to the person who will be seated next to me.

Carry on, Citizens!