I’ve been thinking a lot lately about what I’m going to do when this is over. And by this, I mean the Great Plague of 2020—caused by Mandalorian Death Cooties (I think COVID-19 is too blah for something that has shut down the entire world).
Everyone keeps asking questions like “what are you going to do first?” “Who are the first people you want to hang out with?” “When are you going to change your pants?”
I think they are asking the wrong questions. Particularly about the pants. We’ve been reminded by the Death Cooties that life is short and precious and can look a whole lot different overnight.
So, the question we should be asking is what are the things you wanted to do but were too afraid that people might judge you or laugh at you if you did them? Make a list of those things, and go do them!
(Legal Disclaimer: My attorney has advised me to strongly remind you that you shouldn’t break the law. And if you do break the law, you certainly didn’t get the idea from me. And that if it’s just a misdemeanor, send pictures. No, strike that. Don’t send pictures, says my attorney. Plausible deniability is important, he says.)
For example, I’m considering the following:
- Wearing a conquistador hat to a Denny’s.
- Setting up a “Craft” Lemonade stand next to a kid’s lemonade stand. It will be manned by a guy with a beard and suspenders. Customers will be able to squeeze their own lemons.
- Mailing the lyrics to Metallica songs (with no explanation or context) to elected officials.
- Creating a compilation of the 37th page of novels from the past 100 years and letting people vote on who had the best page 37. Anyone can write a great beginning or ending, but it takes tremendous skill to create a masterpiece between the 36th and 38th pages of a book.
- Inviting everyone on this list to a baseball game (tickets, food, and conquistador hats not included.
Now, go make your own list. And remember, my attorney says don’t send me pictures. Just post them on Twitter or Instagram!
Carry on, Citizens!