Once upon a time, our youngest child told us that the Bad Luck Fairy was following him around that particular week. I told him I could sympathize. That same week our dog was rolling around in poo (2 baths in 2 days) and making his own piles in the house. Meanwhile, we had a string of appliance breakdowns. 

Well, she’s back. We have a host of unruly appliances and this smacks of her handiwork. We have a washing machine, a refrigerator, and an old backup refrigerator all in need of visits from the Men Who Fix Things. 

If you are not aware of the Men Who Fix Things, they’re not part of the Marvel Extended Universe. They don’t wear superhero costumes but do occasionally have name tags. They are the ones who come to restore normalcy after the Bad Luck Fairy has spread havoc across the land. Their superpowers are knowing which multi-word part has broken and how much of your monthly budget will need to be extracted in order to fix it. 

For example, our washing machine won’t work. Now, the average person would say, “it’s broken.” And the average person would be wrong. The average person doesn’t have superpowers. 

But the Men Who Fix Things would tell you (after studying the unit, harumphing several times, and referencing how “they don’t make them like this anymore,” will tell you that, “the water pump, compressor valve, and salad inverter (whatever that is) on your washing machine are all shot.” 

And you nod your head in agreement, not wanting the Men Who Fix Things to know that you have absolutely no idea what they are talking about. But they must be right because they have nametags and toolbelts and know exactly how to open the front of the machine and expose all the parts inside. Something you couldn’t do, and even if you could, how can anyone locate the salad inverter? You couldn’t even find the spleen on the turtle you had to dissect in 9th-grade science class! 

So, the Men Who Fix Things have left with a deposit and a promise to come back with parts someday and fix our washing machine. They have also recommended we install a water descaler. I’ve spent the better part of the morning, and I haven’t found in scales in our water. I have found lots of calcium deposits, which they say will go away with the descaler. I’m skeptical. I want to go to one of the Men Who Fix Things homes and see if their water has scales. Or calcium. Mostly, I want to ask their kids if they know where the turtle spleen is located.

Carry on, Citizens!