Gift giving is different all over the world. Take Japan for example. It’s customary to receive the gift with both hands and open it later, when the giver isn’t present. Or in Ghana, a gift should be wrapped and given with the right hand. In Russia, you shouldn’t give flowers in even numbers.

That said, nothing can top the Koreans. Lately, North Korea has been sending balloons filled with trash to South Korea. 600 tons of it in the past few weeks. When I read this, of course I was intrigued. I asked myself, “Self, how can we adapt this immature behavior to our own mischief related needs?”

I have neighbors that I would like to do this to. But even better, what if I could start a business where I send your trash raining down on your enemies via gas filled balloons? And how much would you pay for such a service? And this could scale! Think of the franchise rights. I need some seed funding to get this off the ground…

North Korea’s Kim Yo Jong called the balloons, “sincere presents.” They sincerely included used toilet paper, so that tells you all you need to know about how North Korea feels about South Korea. Kim Yo is the sister of Kim Jong Un. He’s the quirky leader of North Korea. How quirky you ask? Well for starters, he cuts his own hair. And it shows. Supposedly, he’s afraid of barbers. He also decreed all males in North Korea should have a similar hair cut as his. Additionaly, he underwent surgery to look like his grandfather. So, he has grandaddy issues.

By the way, making jokes about North Korea is illegal there. For that reason, I won’t make fun of them for giving dusters to every family to clean the portrait of the supreme leader that must be displayed in their homes. Nope. I won’t do it. Nothing weird about that at all!

I’m thinking of calling my business Spite Balloons. I will be offering a biodegradable version for all my eco-friendly customers. Tuesdays we will offer 2 for 1 trash balloons because I recognize inflation has hit us all and you really want to stretch your dollar when getting revenge. We will also have a peanut butter version for when you want to quiet the neighbor’s dog, but not do any harm.

I’ve even been workshopping slogans. How do you like this one? Spite Balloons —”Sincere Presents” for The People Who Deserve Them. Maybe I can incorporate Kim Yo into the logo. Ask about our free dusters!

Carry on, Citizens!