Last Sunday, Amazon reported to me that I made 2¢ in royalties. So, I decided to give it all away! Here’s my 2¢ on two cents.

First, I looked up the origin of the phrase. There are a variety of possibilities, but the one that makes the most sense is from 16th-century England. It’s a take on the phrase, “penny for your thoughts.” People would say, “I offered a penny for your thoughts and got two pennies worth.”

The inference is I got more than I wanted. Well, you’re about to get more than you wanted. Maybe even a nickel’s worth, which means somebody is going to have to go to Kindle Unlimited and read a few more pages!

Anyway, let’s start in Ireland. I’m not usually one to advocate for Go-Fund-Me pages, but the town of Listowel might just need a fundraiser. Not for any tragedy or plague. No, these people are so bored, they held a Dolly Parton costume festival. Yep, 1100 people came together to dress up like Dolly and attempt to break a world record. I say we send them some cornhole games or a pallet full of 1000-piece puzzles. Anything to stop them from dressing up like aging country music stars.

Over in the UK, there is a job opening for a dog nanny. The pay: $127,000! The recruitment firm that listed the opening got 2,000 resumes in just a few days. They’ve pulled the listing, so if you’re interested, it may be too late. The job entails feeding, walking, and playing with the dogs. Taking them to the vet and accompanying them on family trips (including international travel). I pointed out to my wife that this is pretty much what I do with our dog (minus the international travel), but she wouldn’t let me apply. I gave her my 2¢. She returned it.

Back in the U.S., four people entered the Mars simulation on Sunday. It’s a 3D-printed habitat at the Johnson Space Center in Texas. They will stay there for 378 days in an experiment to see how long four people can pretend to be on Mars and not kill each other. Just kidding, they will be doing simulated spacewalks, science experiments, robotic operations, and trying not to kill each other.

On the plus side, they will miss the entire upcoming presidential election cycle. However, on the downside, they didn’t include any of my books in the library. They did choose (and I’m not making this up) a depressing book about 2 adventurers who were trapped in a cave for 2 months. Why on Mars (I mean Earth) would you give that to people cooped up for over a year? I would have donated one of my books for free!

This makes me wonder, why not put the Dolly Parton costume people in with the Mars simulator people? Now that is a reality show I would watch! Say maybe day 275, when the Mars team is really on edge. Introduce a dozen or so Dolly Parton impersonators into the mix. I can see it now. “Tonight on The Mars Experiment, mayhem ensues when a Jolene sing-along causes a Mars scientist to bludgeon one of the Dolly impersonators. Tune in after The Voice!”

Carry on, Citizens!