The fun continued at Section D of Plantation Estates. In the afternoon, we went to a movie because there was nothing else to do. We saw Mission Impossible. The movie was 3 hours long and could have been about 2 and still not lost anything. The shocking part is this was only part 1. So sometime next year I’ll have to go see another 3 hours’ worth to find out how it ends.

When we left we saw a collection of senior women who were all dressed in pink. Presumably, they were there to see Barbie. It made me sad that I didn’t dress up for Mission Impossible, not that I’m sure what I would have worn.

Next, we settled in and waited for the big storm to hit. We lost power in the night and the condo shook from high winds. We were under a tornado warning for about 12 hours and there were times when I thought the wind was going to take the roof off. But in the morning, all was well. We had power and a roof and were far more fortunate than those in the direct path (Keep them in your thoughts and send help if you can).

The next day we walked around the complex. I checked out the community pool (so famous for the persnickety members) and saw the most unusual language in the pool rules. It said, “Commercially bottled water in plastic bottles is allowed on the pool wet deck for pool patron hydration.”

What other uses could the residents be using their bottled water for in Section D of Plantation Estates that they would need such a warning? Are they performing field enemas? Now that would merit a special rule! Heck, that would merit its own sign! That’s just the kind of nonsense they (and I’m 100% with them on this) won’t tolerate. Maybe over in Section A where they don’t run a tight ship and they allow bikinis on the shuffleboard court they turn a blind eye to that sort of thing. But not in respectable Section D!

After visiting the pool, we walked by the golf course. I saw a real live alligator in the water hazard. He stared at me for a while, then submerged. I didn’t hang around to see if he was headed my way. This was because I imagined he viewed me as a chocolate lava cake with legs. Later I found out there were gators in the parking lot, so needless to say, we packed up and left for a less gator-y part of Florida.

That would be our original vacation spot which had opened back up to tourists with cash on day three. We had two days left of vacation and we made the most of it by getting a mild case of food poisoning (3 out of 4 in our group). We also managed to meet some neighbors whose place reeked of weed. I mean it smelled like Woodstock before you got in the door and worse inside. They asked us to come inside, to meet their pet pig. They begged us not to tell anyone as they were in a pig-free rental.

That’s what they were worried about. The pig. They had enough weed to put in a pool at Pablo Escobar’s house but they were worried somebody might rat them out for bringing their pig on vacation.

Now, I’m back in Indiana, safe from hurricanes, alligators, and pig smugglers. Suddenly the Midwest seems rather boring.

Carry on, Citizens!