Okay, so I’m not really in San Diego anymore. My wife forbids me to post from the road, lest ne’er-do-wells come to our residence and steal our stuff and wipe themselves with the good towels.* She’s pretty smart about these things, so for the rest of this post, pretend I’m still there.

We’re staying at Mission Beach on the bayside. There is a patio that sits along a sidewalk/trail that runs parallel to the beach. All day long, people are going by. It’s been really entertaining to sit on our patio, soak up the sun, and listen to people as they walk-run-bike-skateboard by. It’s amazing what people discuss when they are out on a walk. These are actual snippets of conversations we overheard:

  1. A man in his 70’s to a woman I assume was his wife: “The doctor said sex isn’t a problem but I have to work on making my hips more flexible.”
  2. Conversation between man and woman. Him: “We don’t even know what to do if an earthquake happens.” Her: “I do. We’re heading across the street to the convenience store and looting it. I’m almost out of liquor.”
  3. One woman to another: “I’m thinking of doing a triathlon.” The second woman replied, “Hashtag me too.”

On day three, our peace, calm, and entertainment were interrupted by dump trucks and a bulldozer. Turns out we picked the week they were dumping new sand on the beach for our vacation. Maybe that’s why we got a good deal. Despite the noise, it actually became entertaining.

In an act of defiance (or idiocy), one guy stayed in his beach chair having an animated conversation on his phone. The bulldozer kept circling him, moving sand and taking his name in vain. At one point the driver looked at me on the patio and shrugged. I shrugged back. At first, I felt bad for him that this tourist was keeping him from doing his job. Then it occurred to me that he and his fellow workers had the best job in the world. They were playing in the sand all day at the beach. They simply had graduated to adult-sized shovels.

We visited Ocean Beach. It was, let’s see, what’s the word I’m looking for… gritty! There seemed to be a lot of poo on the streets. Not as much as San Francisco, but watch your step. While we were watching surfers, a man walked up to the beach, flipped off the sea, and shouted: “F*&^ the world.” My guess is he stepped in poo.

And since Halloween happened on our last day, we saw some entertaining stuff as well. We witnessed a couple of women in naughty cop outfits, who were drunk driving on bicycles. We saw a man in a rainbow fishnet bodysuit and a tutu. And my absolute favorite: a sea unicorn. This was a woman on a paddleboard with a unicorn hat and flowing glitter mane. All from the comfort of our patio.

I won’t bore you with the rest, I’ve got to get back to work. Wishing you safe travels wherever you roam. And clean towels when you return.  

Carry on, Citizens!

*This really happened to a friend of mine. He had his apartment robbed in Chicago and to add insult to injury, the thieves used his restroom and wiped themselves with the bath towels.