Last week I shared my desire to own a flying RV. Unfortunately, the helicopter Winnebago has been rather elusive. To put it bluntly, it’s been impossible to locate. They only sold one and whomever has it remains a mystery.
So, I’m moving to plans B through Q. I looked into the Chitty Chitty Bang Bang car. You may recall an earlier newsletter when I took the auto industry to task for not putting the Chitty Chitty Bang Bang car into production. Surely, we have the technology to do so by now. My calls to Ford Motor Company and the other car companies were met with the sort of derision that makes me think the U.S. auto industry doesn’t want flying cars. Can you believe that?
Then I considered the Oscar Meyer Wiener mobile, but my wife says our garage isn’t deep enough to park it and there’s no way she’s letting that thing sit in our driveway.
I know, you’re thinking, “Jeff, what about the Batmobile?” And you’d be correct in thinking I would want to drive it, but the various Batmobiles made over the years are highly collectable and are currently out of my price range.
Next, I thought about the original James Bond Aston Martin. Turns out it went for auction in 2019 for $6.4 million dollars. Now, some people who resemble my spouse would say that’s a ridiculous price to pay for a car. But can you put a price on a car with machine guns, tire slashers, and an ejector seat? Apparently, you can, but that’s beside the point. I want to be able to eject the person who tries to turn down the volume when Africa by Toto comes on the radio. I don’t think you can spend too much for that feature!
Normal cars just don’t have those kinds of options, and believe me, I’ve asked. You should have seen the guy at the Hyundai dealer when I asked him where the machine gun controls were. And that test drive of the new Sonata didn’t go so well. He turned down the volume on the radio and I started pushing buttons all over the place. He asked if I was looking for the air conditioner. I said, “No, I’m looking for the ejector seat.” He laughed. I didn’t. He didn’t say another word as we blessed the rains all the way back to the dealership.
Car shopping is hard. Maybe I’ll just get a golf cart and cement my over-the-hill status!
Carry on, Citizens!
