I read an article today that has me concerned. The headline read:

Loose Sheep Evades Capture in Illinois City.

There’s a lot to unpack here. First, is the sheep promiscuous or on the lamb (couldn’t resist)? If it’s the former, what business of the city is it who the sheep cavorts with? If it’s the latter, how on earth can you not find a sheep? It’s not like they’re particularly fast.

Armed with these questions, I actually read the article. Turns out this isn’t a randy sheep, just a lost one. And the inept authorities of Bloomington, IL (City Motto: We’ll Get to It Someday) have been unable to find it, despite 5 days of citizen reported sightings.

Of course, Haddonfield, IL hasn’t been able to capture Michael Myers since 1978, so I’m not surprised. At least the sheep isn’t wielding a knife and slashing teenagers. Its lack of thumbs prevents such anti-social behaviors.

According to the article, the sheep may have escaped from an overturned semi that crashed on September 19. That accident temporarily freed both sheep and goats. So, the sheep may have an accomplice. And it may be a goat!

Is it just a coincidence that Hollywood is about to release yet another Halloween/Michael Myers movie? In the end, will he be vanquished by a sheep and a goat? Will the sheep find love? Can the goat and the sheep overcome their differences and make it work? Can any of my ramblings be used in a temporary insanity plea if I need it?

Carry on, Citizens!