Last week, Jeff Bezos sent six women to space via his company, Blue Origin. He came up with the idea for the company back in the early 2000s and has since spent billions of dollars on land, space craft, and nifty uniforms. And now, if you have a couple of million dollars lying around and burning a hole in your pocket, you can be launched into the cosmos and experience weightlessness for 11 minutes before plunging back to earth.
I think it’s a brilliant business plan. I know people have been mocking it, but I have to say I would love to sell enough books to be able to start my own space company. Of course, I would do things a little differently…
For starters, I would dress up like Marvin the Martian. This would be my official costume for all press conferences, board meetings, etc. When I launch the suckers (I mean customers) into space, I would be wearing it as well. My dog would have to wear the K-9 costume (Marvin’s trusty companion) too.
As for the customers, they would have to dress up like the Instant Martians from the same cartoon. Of course the costume would be included in their $500K ticket to ride into space. And, my company would launch you into space for 22 minutes —twice the ride for half the price!
Once up there, you would see the wondrous views of the earth and stars from the inside the deluxe spacecraft that will look eerily like the deck of the ship from the movie Aliens. And that’s because I’ll have a trained actor in an Alien costume jump out at minute 12 of the ride to scare the %$#@ out of you. Then for the next 10 minutes you’ll be running for your life, hiding wherever you can, and praying you get back to Earth before being devoured by the Xenomorph.
When you return you will kiss the ground and swear you’ll never take a bargain trip to space again! It’s the ultimate thrill ride. Now, I just need to sell some books and look for investors.
Carry on, Citizens!
