Now that the Super Bowl is over, it’s time for the Super Bowl of greeting card manufacturers, florists, and chocolatiers. Of course, I’m speaking of Valentine’s Day! The people who research things* say that Americans will spend $29 billion dollars on Valentine’s Day this year. That’s an average of $199.78 per person! Guess I need to add more stuff to that gift bag in the corner of my office.
Did you know men spend twice as much as women on Valentine’s Day? That’s probably true of most holidays, but the people who research things didn’t specify, so I made it up. Something I didn’t make up is that 33% of Americans will have credit card debt due to Valentine’s Day spending and 43% of those people will hide it from the person they went in debt for! If only Hallmark had a card that said, “I love you so much, I’m going to pay 29% interest on those diamond ear rings for the entire career of our state senator!”
47% of Americans are going to get gifts they don’t want. The people who research things didn’t say how many of those people are split up by the following Valentine’s Day, but they don’t have the dark inquisitive mind that I do. My advice is to ask a lot of questions BEFORE you make an unwanted purchase. Long-term relationship success is achieved by making detailed lists of what your partner doesn’t want.
Speaking of which, 34% of people responded that furry handcuffs were their least-desired gift. I have so many questions! First of all, I would love to see that survey form. Did they actually list furry handcuffs as an option? Or was the question open-ended and that many people have some sort of unpleasant furry handcuff memory that prompted them to list it as their least-desired gift?
In case your curious, here were the top 5 least-desired gifts:**
- Furry Handcuffs
- Flowers
- Heart-shaped Box of Chocolates
- Love Coupon Book
- Being Serenaded
Now, if you’re wanting to end a relationship and struggling with how to do it, I’m guessing that giving your significant other ALL FIVE of the items above would be a great idea! Call it the divorce/break-up starter kit!
34% of Americans give themselves a gift. And to that I say, “well the chocolates were buy one/get one 50% off, so hell yeah, I’m getting myself something!”
87K proposals are made on Valentine’s Day every year. I was smart enough NOT to do that. I did it 4 days earlier.
Well, I need to get back to shopping. And, there are only a few shopping days left until Valentine’s Day 2026. So, get out there and buy your significant other something (or yourself) and for heaven’s sake return those furry handcuffs!
Carry on, Citizens!
*nerds who don’t get out much.
**Hat tip to WalletHub for the data.
