When I was in Salem a few weeks ago, I saw a statue of a priest named Father Theobold Mathew. As you can (sort of) see from the picture below, he was the “Apostle of Temperance.” (My apologies for cutting off the last line of the inscription as I’m a lousy photographer.)
Theobold descended from a line of Earls.* That didn’t prevent him from being assigned a funny first name, but it did afford him a comfortable life until he decided to forgo it all and become the first “influencer” in Irish history. Okay, so they didn’t have “influencers” back then, but he did start a temperance movement that gained 3 million followers in less than 7 years, which is pretty much the same thing as a modern influencer. (per capita, that would be the same as 61 million followers today).
But Theobold wasn’t pushing makeup, thongs, or supplements like today’s influencers. He was pushing temperance. Which is a fancy word for not drinking alcohol. At all! Which makes his following all the more amazing, as he was pushing abstinence from alcohol in Ireland, of all places!
Anyway, back to Salem. Apparently, Theobold made his way to the United States and visited Salem in September of 1849. It was hard for Father Theobold because the people made fun of his name, and the pennant races hadn’t been invented yet. With no playoff baseball, there wasn’t much to do but drink! However, he must have reached somebody because the people of Salem put up a statue in his honor.
And I took a picture of that statue because this has become my life goal. Theobold was the Apostle of Temperance. I want to be the Apostle of Nonsense.
I’ve checked with the major denominations, and none will recognize an Apostle of Nonsense. So, I may have an uphill battle here. But I’m undaunted. If Theobold could rise above famine and a ridiculous first name to have statues of him littered about the world, I can do it too! (After I’m dead, of course. Having statues of me now would be weird.) But I’ve been spreading nonsense for years, so I think I have a head start on the apostle thing. I’ll keep you posted.
Carry on, Citizens!
*For the record, I do not descend from a line of Earls. Or Franks, Bobs, and Tims, for that matter.
