My wife and I celebrated being in our new house for a year last month. Overall, I would say it’s been a great experience. We have great neighbors, and the floorplan works for us. We’ve talked about what we would change and there aren’t too many things we would do differently. In fact, I would say the only thing this house is lacking is a trash chute that sends detonation sounds throughout the neighborhood.
Now, I know this feature is impossible in a ranch style house in the middle of Indiana. To get that sort of amenity, you have to live in a luxury high rise in New York City. And that’s exactly what you can get for a starting price of about $15 million to live in 432 Park Avenue. Turns out, this 1396 foot tall luxury tower in Midtown Manhattan has 1300-foot trash shoot with NO breaks or offsets. This is not the sort of design flaw you would expect in one of the world’s tallest and most expensive buildings.
So, when you throw away your trash in one of the upper apartments, it reaches over 200 miles per hour when it hits the bottom. Neighbors have been complaining since it opened in 2015, that trash time sounds like a bomb detonation. They had a unit sell recently for $29.5 million for a 4,019 square foot apartment that has the special amenity of trash bombs going off on the regular! And yet somebody bought it, which proves there’s a place for everyone. Or a sucker born every minute. You pick.
I looked into what it would take to have a trash chute like that installed in my current home, but let’s just say building codes, HOA Rules, financial resources, and marital harmony were all significant barriers to completing said project. So tomorrow, I’ll just roll my trash cans out to the curb like a normal person while wearing headphones that are playing explosions.
Carry on, Citizens!
