Generated by All in One SEO v4.9.8, this is an llms.txt file, used by LLMs to index the site. # Author, Speaker, & Wearer of Hats ## Sitemaps - [XML Sitemap](https://jeffstangerbooks.com/sitemap.xml): Contains all public & indexable URLs for this website. ## Posts - [Chasing Cheese & Answers](https://jeffstangerbooks.com/blog/chasing-cheese-answers/) - Life is filled with questions. Not just the obvious ones, like where are my socks? Or are there aliens who can play baseball? There are deep existential questions, like who was the best actor to play Batman? And if a tree falls in the woods and nobody hears it, does it make a sound? A - [What Sets Off The Story Alarm?](https://jeffstangerbooks.com/blog/what-sets-off-the-story-alarm/) - Where do ideas come from? Specifically, where do story ideas come from? If you have ever wondered that when reading a book or watching a movie, you’re not alone. And since I get that question a lot (usually after they ask if my wife thinks I'm crazy), I thought I would share with you how a recent - [Cannons and Chaos](https://jeffstangerbooks.com/blog/cannons-and-chaos/) - This may come as a shock to some of you, but I have a day job that doesn't involve writing about people peeing on the side of the road, sending cottage cheese through the bank drive-through tube, and making fun of the Kardashians. It seems my book royalties are not sufficiently high enough that I - [Nuptials and Cake](https://jeffstangerbooks.com/blog/nuptials-and-cake/) - Over the weekend, Taylor Swift and Travis Kelce had a small, tasteful wedding in a charming little chapel on the East Coast. Just kidding! They had an over-the-top extravaganza so big it had to be held in Madison Square Garden. This made me think that if (heaven forbid) they ever get divorced, the proceedings should - [Super Bowl Marks Final Game for Colts](https://jeffstangerbooks.com/blog/native-americanopolis/) - Miami– The Society to Prevent All Things Marginally Offensive (SPATMO) has successfully won their injunction against the state of Indiana, Indianapolis, and specifically the Indianapolis Colts. Just nine years shy of turning 200, the state will be required to change its name to Native Americana. The capital city will be renamed Native Americanapolis. And, of - [Trolley Dodgers Book Excerpt](https://jeffstangerbooks.com/blog/trolley-dodgers-book-excerpt/) - Book Excerpt: “Maybe I'm aiming too low." "Maybe you're aiming too high." "From the looks of your bathroom, I'd say you're not aiming at anything." "Sorry, I meant to clean the place before you got here." "Next time I'll give you a week's notice." "Why a week?" "There are bacteria in there picketing for better - [World Series Fun Facts](https://jeffstangerbooks.com/blog/world-series-fun-facts/) - The Fall Classic gets underway this evening. The Royals are back after 29 years and the Giants are annoyingly back for the 3rd time in 5 years. I'm looking forward to watching the game tonight. Here are some fun facts you might not know about the World Series. 1) In 1934, brothers Dizzy and Paul - [When You Need It Most, It Stops](https://jeffstangerbooks.com/blog/when-you-need-it-most-it-stops/) - The World Series will conclude tonight and I must say, it's been an entertaining post-season, despite the lack of a certain team from Southern California participating. When the Royals close this out (yes, I'm predicting a KC win), we will have the cold of late Fall and into Winter to face. For a variety of - [Kokomo's New Baseball Team is Going Padre Old School](https://jeffstangerbooks.com/blog/kokomos-new-baseball-team-is-going-padre-old-school/) - You might not have heard that Kokomo is getting a Prospect League franchise next year. Okay, unless you're a baseball geek like me, you probably don't even know that the Prospect League exists. Believe it or not, it's been around in one form or another since 1963. The league is comprised of college players who - [This is How Bad Kansas City is Taking the World Series Loss](https://jeffstangerbooks.com/blog/this-is-how-bad-kansas-city-is-taking-the-world-series-loss/) - Last night I was stuck in the Kansas City Airport for a bonus 4 hours because of a flight delay. Of course, I hop online to see if there is any free agent news in the world of baseball. I got to the Padres main page okay, but the first article I clicked on produced the - [As God Is My Witness, I Thought Turkeys Could Fly](https://jeffstangerbooks.com/blog/as-god-is-my-witness-i-thought-turkeys-could-fly/) - And with that line, I spit milk out of my nose laughing in my parents living room. I really should have posted this on Thanksgiving, seeing the video comes from one of the greatest Thanksgiving episodes of any sitcom ever made in the history of the universe. Of course I'm talking about Turkeys Away from - [Cleaning the Poo off the Debt Ceiling](https://jeffstangerbooks.com/blog/cleaning-the-poo-off-the-debt-ceiling/) - Photo Credit: hnoms ravn P996 firing a penguin rocket via photopin (license) So tonight I watched the President talk about the debt ceiling. Then John Boehner gave a rebuttal. If someone told me I would have to watch the two of them every night, I would weep openly. Of course, America didn't have to be - [Big Brother Larry](https://jeffstangerbooks.com/blog/big-brother-larry/) - I’m afraid that my book might someday be successful. I’m afraid of success. I’m mostly afraid that Larry Flynt has nude photos of me. Larry Flynt has nude photos of everybody. He has nude photos of you. You’re just not famous yet, so he’s holding on to them. Larry Flynt is Big Brother. He has - [New Minor League Affiliations Winners & Losers](https://jeffstangerbooks.com/blog/new-minor-league-affiliations-winners-losers/) - Several Minor League teams have changed affiliations for the 2015 season. Here's who won and who lost. Winners: Daytona After 22 years with the Cubs, the Daytona franchise of the Florida State League in now affiliated with the Reds. Rather than adopt the name of their parent club (a practice I personally hate!) they revealed - [72 Hours in Savannah Part 1 (A Quick Mystery)](https://jeffstangerbooks.com/blog/72-hours-in-savannah-part-1-a-quick-mystery-2/) - From the Quick Baseball Mysteries (Short Stories Collection) I’m going to give you the moral of this story up front: if you get a funny feeling when the phone is ringing that something bad is about to happen, don’t answer the damn thing! That may seem strange for a lot of reasons. First, your high - [72 Hours in Savannah Part 1 (A Quick Mystery)](https://jeffstangerbooks.com/blog/72-hours-in-savannah-part-1-a-quick-mystery/) - From the Quick Baseball Mysteries (Short Stories Collection) I’m going to give you the moral of this story up front: if you get a funny feeling when the phone is ringing that something bad is about to happen, don’t answer the damn thing! That may seem strange for a lot of reasons. First, your high - [72 Hours in Savannah Part 2 (A Quick Mystery)](https://jeffstangerbooks.com/blog/72-hours-in-savannah-part-2-a-quick-mystery/) - From the Quick Baseball Mysteries (Short Stories Collection) (If you missed Part 1 and want to start at the beginning, click here) The officer turned me over to a detective named Sparks who took me to a trophy case within the Grayson Stadium offices. Sure enough, the glass case was broken and a something was - [72 Hours in Savannah (Part 3)](https://jeffstangerbooks.com/blog/72-hours-in-savannah-part-3/) - From the Quick Baseball Mysteries (Short Stories Collection) (If you missed Part 1 and want to start at the beginning, click here) Long before Google, there was Mueller —as in Mike Mueller. When it comes to trophies and medals, I’ll take Mueller over an internet search engine any day. With search, I type in keywords - [Wayback Wednesday: This Week in Baseball](https://jeffstangerbooks.com/blog/wayback-wednesday-this-week-in-baseball/) - Jumping in the wayback machine today for an episode of This Week in Baseball circa 1977. Enjoy! Carry on, Citizens! - [January 2: The Lesser Known 2nd Holiday of the New Year](https://jeffstangerbooks.com/blog/january-2-the-lesser-known-2nd-holiday-of-the-new-year/) - Today is a holiday. Not a widely known one, but a holiday nonetheless. It's What the Hell Was I Thinking Day. What the Hell Was I Thinking Day comes right after New Year's Day for a very good reason: Resolutions. It's the cold hard light of January 2nd that makes you say "What the Hell - [Check out this deluxe Topps '73 Don Zimmer Padres card.](https://jeffstangerbooks.com/blog/check-out-this-deluxe-topps-73-don-zimmer-padres-card/) - You have to love the retro Padres hat in the image! Notice how the yellow wraps around the sides. World's Largest Collectibles Auctioneer Source: 1973 Topps Padres Mgr./Coaches, Podres Has Right Ear #12 PSA | Lot #83484 | Heritage Auctions - [The End of the Topps Only Era](https://jeffstangerbooks.com/blog/the-end-of-the-topps-only-era/) - Check out this great article (link below) from Sports Collectors Daily about the 1980 Topps set. It would be the last year of their monopoly as Donruss and Fleer issued sets the following year. Source: Rickey Henderson Rookie is Tops Among 1980 Baseball Cards - [Signature Study: Hall of Famer J.L. Wilkinson | Sports Collectors Digest](https://jeffstangerbooks.com/blog/signature-study-hall-of-famer-j-l-wilkinson-sports-collectors-digest/) - Check out this article by Ron Keurajian, author of “Baseball Hall of Fame Autographs – A Reference Guide” (McFarland Publishing 2012) on KC Monarchs HOF'er J. Leslie Wilkinson. Source: Signature Study: Hall of Famer J.L. Wilkinson | Sports Collectors Digest - [Happy Birthday to America’s Oldest Ballpark! |](https://jeffstangerbooks.com/blog/happy-birthday-to-americas-oldest-ballpark/) - Ballparkbiz.com has a nice feature today on Rickwood Field. Check it out! Source: Happy Birthday to America’s Oldest Ballpark! | - [ESPN Releases Digital Documentary on Shuckers Season Entitled ‘Home’ |](https://jeffstangerbooks.com/blog/espn-releases-digital-documentary-on-shuckers-season-entitled-home/) - Check out ESPN's documentary on the Biloxi Shuckers via BallparkBiz.com Source: ESPN Releases Digital Documentary on Shuckers Season Entitled ‘Home’ | - [The 2015 Baseball Book Festival](https://jeffstangerbooks.com/blog/the-2015-baseball-book-festival/) - Save this date on your calendar: February 28th, 2015. The Baseball Book Festival is in Indianapolis this year at the Rathskeller. There will be an author panel, keynote speaker, and book fair. Some great authors will be there and if you love baseball, this will get you ready for Spring Training. Check out the website - [Sidd Finch Bobblehead Night in Brooklyn](https://jeffstangerbooks.com/blog/sidd-finch-bobblehead-night-in-brooklyn/) - The Brooklyn Cyclones are celebrating one of the greatest sports pranks ever: The Sidd Finch story from Sports Illustrated. From the Cyclones website: "On April 1, 1985 the Legend of Sidd Finch was born when Sports Illustrated published an article detailing the story of the lanky righthander with the golden arm who was going to change - [Topps Chrome Baseball 2015 Box Break-Review](https://jeffstangerbooks.com/blog/topps-chrome-baseball-2015-box-break-review/) - Source: Topps Chrome Baseball 2015 Box Break-Review Rich Klein over at Sports Collectors Daily has a review of Topps Chrome 2015. - [Cards of the Oldest Living Hall of Famer ](https://jeffstangerbooks.com/blog/cards-of-the-oldest-living-hall-of-famer/) - Graham Womack over at Sports Collectors Daily looks back on the cards of the oldest current living member of the Baseball Hall of Fame. "The oldest living Hall of Famer doesn't have many cards from his playing days but the good news is, they're not that expensive. We've got five to own." Read the - [Babe Ruth Baseball Card Review](https://jeffstangerbooks.com/blog/babe-ruth-baseball-card-review/) - Ever wanted to own a Babe Ruth baseball card? Cardboard Connection has a great rundown of the Top 10 Babe Ruth Cards of All Time (link below) Source: Top 10 Babe Ruth Cards of All-Time - [2015 Topps Heritage High Number Variations Info, Gallery](https://jeffstangerbooks.com/blog/2015-topps-heritage-high-number-variations-info-gallery/) - Get all you need to identify the 2015 Topps Heritage High Number Variations with detailed info, images and checklists. Covers Action and Color Swap variations. Collecting Topps Heritage Cards? Beckett has the lowdown on all the variations —and there are a lot! Click the link below to learn more. Source: 2015 Topps Heritage High Number - [Ranking the Population of Early Mantle Cards](https://jeffstangerbooks.com/blog/ranking-the-population-of-early-mantle-cards/) - Our infographic puts the population of graded early Mickey Mantle cards in focus. Rich Mueller over at Sports Collectors Daily has a good breakdown of the graded early Mickey Mantle cards: Source: Ranking the Population of Early Mantle Cards - [Pumpkin Pie, Thaddeus Green, and the Origin of the Kiddie Table](https://jeffstangerbooks.com/blog/pumpkin-pie-thaddeus-green-and-the-origin-of-the-kiddie-table/) - You're probably going to be offended by this (Especially if you are a pumpkin pie fan). But the truth must be shared to the masses. And that truth is this: pumpkin pie was a compromise. Pumpkin pie made it into our Thanksgiving tradition only as a measure of last resort. It's not what was meant - [Jackie Robinson's HOF Induction Plaque Headlines Auction](https://jeffstangerbooks.com/blog/jackie-robinsons-hof-induction-plaque-headlines-auction/) - The plaque presented to Jackie Robinson as he entered the Hall of Fame in 1962 joins Babe Ruth memorabilia and dozens of important horse racing items. Source: Jackie Robinson's HOF Induction Plaque Headlines Auction Follow the link above for Sports Collectors Daily coverage of the auction of Jackie Robinson's Hall of Fame Induction Plaque. - [Someone Should Invent A Jolly Fat Man To Take Over Christmas.](https://jeffstangerbooks.com/blog/someone-should-invent-a-jolly-fat-man-to-take-over-christmas/) - Okay, I'm done with Christmas shopping. I don't mean I'm done, there are some of you on the Nice list for whom I have yet to purchase something you can unwrap and subsequently hide in a closet. I'm just done going to stores. I'm officially moving 100% of this operation online. I do most of - [Top Jim Bunning Baseball Cards, Rookies, Vintage, Autographs](https://jeffstangerbooks.com/blog/top-jim-bunning-baseball-cards-rookies-vintage-autographs/) - Detailed guide to the best Jim Bunning cards of all-time. View images, buying guide and analysis for key cards, including his autographs and rookies. Source: Top Jim Bunning Baseball Cards, Rookies, Vintage, Autographs Cardboard Connection has a great breakdown of Jim Bunning cards. Check it out at the link above. - [Cheap, Original Honus Wagner Baseball Cards](https://jeffstangerbooks.com/blog/cheap-original-honus-wagner-baseball-cards/) - Can’t tackle the T206? Cracker Jacks confounding your cash flow? No worries. We've got ten cheap Honus Wagner baseball cards for you to chase. Source: Cheap, Original Honus Wagner Baseball Cards Sports Collectors Daily has the scoop on affordable Honus Wagner cards. Click on the link above to read the article. - [Do I Want to Know My Future? Yes, but only 5 minutes of it.](https://jeffstangerbooks.com/blog/do-i-want-to-know-my-future-yes-but-only-5-minutes-of-it/) - I got an email from someone who wanted to know if I wanted to know my future. If he knew the future, wouldn't he know if I wanted to know? I'm skeptical, so I have decided to test him. I've asked him what I will be doing between 2:45 and 2:50 next Thursday. I'll keep you - [Let's Just Keep Everybody Out of the Bathroom](https://jeffstangerbooks.com/blog/lets-just-keep-everybody-out-of-the-bathroom/) - Americans are fighting with each other again. This time, it's over bathrooms. Some people want transgender persons to use any bathroom they want. Some people want them to go to the bathroom that matches their current set of tools. I say, keep everyone out of the bathroom. Gay, straight, transgender, hockey fans, and people who watch - [Free Fiction Friday: 9/30/16](https://jeffstangerbooks.com/blog/free-fiction-friday-93016/) - Happy Friday! Want to start the weekend out with a new book to read? I'm giving away 3 Kindle copies of my books away today. And it's super easy to enter. Just post a comment below with your answer to today's question and we will pick three random winners at 10 PM tonight. Question for the Day: - [Regarding Regards](https://jeffstangerbooks.com/blog/regarding-regards/) - Someone sent me their warmest regards today. Do you realize what that means? Those regards can't be any warmer! If they were, they would be hot regards. And you know that hot regards wouldn't be appropriate in a business setting. I think we've all seen what sending your hottest regards can lead to in Hollywood, - [The Story of Bill](https://jeffstangerbooks.com/blog/the-story-of-bill/) - Many of us are still trying to process the passing of Bill Bean this week. All across Facebook, his network of friends will be sharing poignant stories of how much he meant to them, how he was a mentor, a pastor, a counselor, and a reliable friend. This story isn’t one of them. (Although I encourage you - [A Partnership Venture, Russian Collusion, and Powerful Headwear](https://jeffstangerbooks.com/blog/a-partnership-venture-russian-collusion-and-powerful-headwear/) - I'm simply bursting with excitement! Look at the email I just got! Dear Sir It is with great regards and respect to your personality that I send you this message, I want to suggest to you that I am planning to visit your country and will like to meet you upon arrival for a - [Discover Your Next Favorite Mystery/Suspense Author](https://jeffstangerbooks.com/blog/discover-your-next-favorite-mystery-suspense-author/) - I've teamed up with a bunch of mystery writers for a promo this month. You can download short stories, previews, and novellas —all for FREE! There are over 140 different titles to choose from. Discover your next favorite mystery! - [My New Cover Designer](https://jeffstangerbooks.com/blog/my-new-cover-designer/) - I wanted to take a moment and give a shoutout to my new cover designer, Mariah Sinclair. I stumbled across her work and was blown away by her talent. It started a conversation in which I told her I had always admired the work of Malika Favre but was also drawn to the covers of - [I Bought a Chore](https://jeffstangerbooks.com/blog/i-bought-a-chore/) - A few nights ago, we made a trip to Lowes. Or maybe it was Home Depot. It's all a blur. We went to purchase a new lawnmower. Its predecessor had a broken axle and had to be put down. I wanted to shoot it, but apparently, that sort of thing is frowned upon in our community. - [America's Most Dangerous Communicable Disease](https://jeffstangerbooks.com/blog/americas-most-dangerous-communicable-disease/) - Last week I went to Penn Station for lunch. Since then, I've been hiding out mostly. Trying to keep out of public places and away from people. There's a dangerous bug going around and it is infecting people of all races, creeds, orientations, and shoe size. This illness I speak of, the one that keeps - [I was kidding...](https://jeffstangerbooks.com/blog/i-was-kidding/) - The Story of Trolley Dodgers Back in the mid-1990s, I was writing a sports column for BC Magazine. The publication was owned by the Bloomington Herald-Times newspaper. Most of the content was art, music, and politics. So, my column was both an odd fit and an afterthought to the editors —which worked in my favor! - [Blow Stuff Up Eve](https://jeffstangerbooks.com/blog/blow-stuff-up-eve/) - It's Blow Stuff Up Eve. Some of you think it's simply July 3rd today, but it's really Blow Stuff Up Eve. It's time to duck out of work early and prepare for a long weekend. It's time to head to the fireworks store and fill up a shopping cart. It's time to blow stuff up (legally - [Tales From A Roundabout: Episode 2](https://jeffstangerbooks.com/blog/tales-from-a-roundabout-episode-2/) - When You See My Uvula Nicholas Kennedy beamed with pride as Mayor Teddy Wiggins cut the red ribbon signifying the re-opening of the roundabout at 126th and Gray Road. It had been closed for eight weeks while a concrete and steel nature scene was assembled inside the circle. It was commissioned by City Council and - [Tales From a Roundabout Episode 1](https://jeffstangerbooks.com/blog/tales-from-a-roundabout-episode-1/) - Nothing is On the House Sonny Kagan stepped into the crosswalk just as George Fillmore's shiny white Buick SUV entered the roundabout. Sonny walked slowly, intentionally dragging his tattered lawn chair behind him. He liked the sound in made scraping across the pavement. George couldn't hear the scraping, but he could see Sonny, now that - [Tales From A Roundabout: The Redbird and the Cheerleader](https://jeffstangerbooks.com/blog/tales-from-a-roundabout-the-redbird-and-the-cheerleader/) - Jake Renfroe opened the door of his new office. It was small and smelled like an attic, but it was his and he was determined to make the best of it. It was his first day in Indianapolis and his first on his new job. His boss was new as well, having started only the - [Tales From a Roundabout: Episode 4](https://jeffstangerbooks.com/blog/tales-from-a-roundabout-episode-4/) - Marci Emerald checked herself for ketchup stains on her Tupac t-shirt, then ordered her friend Bethany to take the picture. She gave a wry grin, held up her middle finger on both hands, and waited for Bethany to complete the task. Bethany returned the iPhone to Marci Emerald and the social media influencer marveled at - [Tales From a Roundabout: Tomb of the Unknown Roadie](https://jeffstangerbooks.com/blog/tales-from-a-roundabout-tomb-of-the-unknown-roadie/) - John Myers was the least outspoken of the twelve members of Carmel City Council. He tended to go along with the majority and shied away from controversy. He owned an independent commercial real estate company that did well enough to keep him on billboards throughout the county —a distinct advantage when it came time to - [Episode 6: Saving Seats](https://jeffstangerbooks.com/blog/episode-6-saving-seats/) - Episode 6: Saving Seats On the morning of June 20th, twenty-two alarm clocks went off at precisely 4 AM at the Serenity Senior Living Center in Carmel. William Ketring forgot why he had set his alarm and commenced to beating it with his cane until it was in pieces. He could still hear ringing (from - [The Real (Sort of) History of Thanksgiving](https://jeffstangerbooks.com/blog/the-real-sort-of-history-of-thanksgiving/) - It’s good to be an American this week. We have this wonderful tradition called Thanksgiving. It’s a day of family and food and football and more food. It’s a day of remembering our blessings. So, I thought I would provide this little public service as a way of saying thanks to all the Citizens who - [Down Goes The Mayor](https://jeffstangerbooks.com/blog/down-goes-the-mayor/) - A New Tales From a Roundabout Story Cooper Langley brushed the debris off his shoulder and surveyed the damage he had caused. His Jeep had come to rest on a sidewalk leading away from the roundabout he had driven through. “Through” being the operative word as Cooper didn't drive around the roundabout as the traffic - [Rise of the Lederhosen Mafia](https://jeffstangerbooks.com/blog/rise-of-the-lederhosen-mafia/) - Cyril Langley made the front page of the Indianapolis News, the Carmel Bugle, and USA Today. He also has more than four million (as of this writing) views of the incident on YouTube. He can't wait to actually watch it himself when he gets out of jail. The video was also picked up on CNN, - [Grocery Store Madness](https://jeffstangerbooks.com/blog/grocery-store-madness/) - Coronamageddon is upon us. The stores are being raided by terrified citizens in search of toilet paper to withstand a respiratory illness. But I’m ready. I’ve got Pez. Though the virus is no laughing matter, the way some people are responding certainly is. I went to the grocery store yesterday, not because of the virus, but - [The Best 83¢ You Can Spend](https://jeffstangerbooks.com/blog/the-best-83¢-you-can-spend/) - [I Look Like Uncle Fester](https://jeffstangerbooks.com/blog/i-look-like-uncle-fester/) - photo credit: Brechtbug Uncle Fester - Addams Family by Charles Addams 6328 via photopin (license) - [Book Promos For May 2020](https://jeffstangerbooks.com/blog/book-promos-for-may-2020/) - I've teamed up with a bunch of great authors for a couple of promos for May 2020. First, here is a promo with over 100 authors who have new releases in May (including yours truly). Check out the titles here: Next, over 300 authors are highlighting books on Kindle Unlimited for May. You can check - [Stickers, Lingerie, Chinese Food & Donuts](https://jeffstangerbooks.com/blog/stickers-lingerie-chinese-food-donuts/) - Our youngest son came to me with a business idea this past weekend. He wants to sell stickers on eBay. Intrigued by his entrepreneurial spirit, I began asking questions. He seemed to have a business plan. Buy in bulk. Sell at a significant markup. And he had researched the prices of his competitors thoroughly. Then - [When This is Over...](https://jeffstangerbooks.com/blog/when-this-is-over/) - I've been thinking a lot lately about what I'm going to do when this is over. And by this, I mean the Great Plague of 2020—caused by Mandalorian Death Cooties (I think COVID-19 is too blah for something that has shut down the entire world). Everyone keeps asking questions like "what are you going to - [The Car Repair Fairy](https://jeffstangerbooks.com/blog/the-car-repair-fairy/) - Did you know that belief in God by American teenagers is at an all-time low? Did you also know that belief in fairies by teenagers is at an all-time high? How can this be? Now don't get nervous, I'm not about to wade into the subject of religion. I am going to wade into the subject of - [I Learned Portuguese (Sort of)](https://jeffstangerbooks.com/blog/i-learned-portuguese-sort-of/) - What an amazing time we live in. Before today you had to take 2-3 years of a foreign language in high school (in my case French) and then another couple of years in college (in my case because I forgot all my high school French). All of this so you can one day look at - [Spy Pigeons](https://jeffstangerbooks.com/blog/spy-pigeons/) - Last week a story out of India flew beneath the radar (pun intended). India has accused Pakistan of using spy pigeons along the border. I'm not making this up. No, this isn't 1937. Can you believe it? In the year 2020, Pakistan is using spy pigeons. The highly trained feathered agent was captured in the border - [I Was Wrong About Marriage](https://jeffstangerbooks.com/blog/i-was-wrong-about-marriage/) - Today is my anniversary. In honor of the occasion, I went back to look at the blog post I wrote just days before the wedding (posted below). And all I can say is that I was wrong about the institution. Apparently, I was under the impression it would be more stately and British. It's not. It's - [King for a Day](https://jeffstangerbooks.com/blog/king-for-a-day/) - Did you know there are 26 monarchies in the world? 26 different kings, queens, emperors, sultans, etc. currently rule over a combined 43 countries. That's right, some queens have countries that are not even in the same area code in which they live! You see this is the kind of trivia I go looking for - [The Magical Used Car of Awesomeness](https://jeffstangerbooks.com/blog/the-magical-used-car-of-awesomeness/) - What parents think their kids deserve and what kids think they are entitled to can be vastly different. One great illustration of this is when your child hits the teenage years (also known as the Great Tribulation). There are a growing number of scholars who believe the seven-year "end times" of the Bible were actually - [Treats](https://jeffstangerbooks.com/blog/treats/) - This morning I let my dog out to do his morning business. When I brought him back in, I handed him a treat and wondered aloud, "Why doesn't anyone hand me a treat when I go poo?" My wife answered from the other room, "You should blog about that." (Notice, she didn't offer to hand - [I Hope This Finds You Dressing Like a Pirate](https://jeffstangerbooks.com/blog/i-hope-this-finds-you-dressing-like-a-pirate/) - I keep getting messages from companies that begin with some variation of this phrase, "I hope this message finds you well." As if the company cares if I am well. Let's face it, they only care if my bank account is well. And if it is, they hope their messages find me willing to part with - [We Conspire Daily to Vex You](https://jeffstangerbooks.com/blog/we-conspire-daily-to-vex-you/) - Did you know I have a day job? Believe it or not, selling books doesn't pay the bills. Oh, it does if you're John Grisham, Stephen King or Janet Evanovich. I'm sure their ends meet. In fact, I would be willing to wager their ends meet, circle back around and meet again. But for most - [They Live Next Door To You](https://jeffstangerbooks.com/blog/they-live-next-door-to-you/) - Have you heard of the Nextdoor app? It's a website/phone app that allows you to spy on connect with your neighbors. It sounds like a lovely idea, right? Bring us together, promote community, and all that. It's not. Instead, it's a daily confirmation that the world is filled with crazy people and they live uncomfortably close - [The Last First Week of School](https://jeffstangerbooks.com/blog/the-last-first-week-of-school/) - We're done here. Well, almost. I suppose our son has to actually finish his senior year and then we're done. But the milestone of this week is that it's the last first week of school. Our youngest is going to be a senior. At this time next year, all of our children will be adult - [The Toast Wars](https://jeffstangerbooks.com/blog/the-toast-wars/) - Deleted scenes, B-sides, outtakes and unreleased material. Sometimes stuff doesn't make it into a movie or an album. The same thing happens with blogs for whatever reason. I was piddling around today and discovered some material that was started and never made it into a blog post. This particular one was from a series I - [I'm Not Dead Yet](https://jeffstangerbooks.com/blog/im-not-dead-yet/) - Yesterday, I got an odd message from an old co-worker. It said, "Hey. Haven't talked in a while. Just got a text from someone. Are you ok?" Sounds cryptic, doesn't it. Could be a scam, someone posing as my friend. Or it could be the CIA playing mind games on me. Or it could actually - [Postcards From My Congress Mammal](https://jeffstangerbooks.com/blog/postcards-from-my-congress-mammal/) - It's only a short time until the 2020 election. And while everyone is focused on the Presidential race, our local politicians are desperately trying to make sure we don't forget them. So, every day when I take my dog to the mailbox, I find another postcard from a current or aspiring congress mammal telling me all - [The Department of Obscure Questions](https://jeffstangerbooks.com/blog/the-department-of-obscure-questions/) - Due to a keen sense of needing to know useless trivia (along with not having anything else to write about today), I have decided to answer a deeply troubling question sent in by Outstanding Citizen Herbert Schwump of Austin, TX. Mr. Schwump writes: Dear Jeff, In what country's language is it most difficult to play - [How I Got Banned From Walgreens](https://jeffstangerbooks.com/blog/how-i-got-banned-from-walgreens/) - I've had writer's block for 2 days. Maybe I got spoiled by the weather last week. You would think the turning leaves would inspire lots of words, but not so much. So, I decided to write about writer's block. It's kind of like word constipation, but there's no literary laxative that I've been able to find. - [Thoughts on Thought Leaders](https://jeffstangerbooks.com/blog/thoughts-on-thought-leaders/) - In my email today was a message from LinkedIn. The subject read: "Jeff, read the top 12 thought leader posts of the past year." I was intrigued. Not by the posts themselves, but by the thought of thought leaders. "Thought Leader" is one of those business buzzwords that is still hanging on. I like to - [Help Me Get Banned](https://jeffstangerbooks.com/blog/help-me-get-banned/) - This may come as a surprise, but writing books has NOT made me a billionaire. It hasn't made me a millionaire. It hasn't even made me a thousandaire. However, I have been able to keep my dog in a steady supply of rawhide bones, so he thanks you. So, I've been thinking about how to - [Victoria Hates Christina](https://jeffstangerbooks.com/blog/victoria-hates-christina/) - My candidates for Congress Mammal don't like each other. I mean really don't like each other. Every day they send me postcards and letters telling me how bad the other person is and why I shouldn't vote for them. Their names are Victoria and Christina. Yesterday, Victoria sent me four pieces of mail to tell me - [The Doors That Shant Be Opened](https://jeffstangerbooks.com/blog/the-doors-that-shant-be-opened/) - Yesterday, my dog jumped on my lap to deliver urgent news. I was sitting in a recliner and my glasses fell off the top of my head and behind the chair. (An important detail that would necessitate ominous music if this was a British crime drama.) Gizmo's urgent news was threefold: There are no threats - [ToFurkey & Other Lies](https://jeffstangerbooks.com/blog/tofurkey-other-lies/) - Thanksgiving is upon us. It's time for overeating, bad football, and endless Black Friday ads. And it's time for vegans and vegetarians to try to convince me that ToFurkey tastes like real turkey. It doesn't. I'm not a fan of plant-based burgers either. And while I might agree with the notion that technology has brought - [Unrelenting Joy](https://jeffstangerbooks.com/blog/unrelenting-joy/) - I spend a lot of time in my office in November/December. That's good for you because it means I get more writing done. But I confess, it's not that I'm somehow more dedicated during those months. It's because I don't have access to the TV. You see, this is the time of year when I get - [The New Business Casual](https://jeffstangerbooks.com/blog/the-new-business-casual/) - Today I read that a Japanese apparel company has created the "Pajama Suit." It's a pajama collection that looks like a business suit from the waist up. It comes in men's and women's versions. The cost is $50 (or 4,999 yen). They only ship in Japan at this point, but I'm sure they will be - [The Lost Settlement of Nog](https://jeffstangerbooks.com/blog/the-lost-settlement-of-nog/) - There's a holiday tradition that frightens me. It's the drinking of egg nog. Humans weren't meant to drink a liquid called nog. nog should be something that you keep in your garage. It should only come out for sealing your driveway or filling in the gaps in your bathroom tile. Nog has no business at - [Finding Food In The Shower](https://jeffstangerbooks.com/blog/finding-food-in-the-shower/) - I noticed something odd in the shower yesterday. My wife has a body wash containing shea butter and oatmeal. Next to it is a shaving cream made with raspberries and olive butter. Needless to say, I have questions! 1) Oatmeal: How did oatmeal wind up in the body wash? Were other breakfast foods considered? Did - [Everybody Wants Shiree's House](https://jeffstangerbooks.com/blog/everybody-wants-shirees-house/) - Somebody wants to buy Shiree's house. Shiree must have the end-all/be-all of houses because people are texting her multiple times a week, trying to buy her place. There is only one problem: They think I'm Shiree. For a little over a year now, I've been getting text messages addressed to Shiree, asking if I want - [If I Had a Hammer](https://jeffstangerbooks.com/blog/if-i-had-a-hammer/) - Now that the Oscars are over (I didn't watch), news is trickling out about this year's swag bags. If you're not familiar with this tradition, let me summarize. Each year a bunch of companies pay the people who put on the Academy Awards a big pile of cash for the privilege of lavishing free stuffJeff - [The Circle of Life](https://jeffstangerbooks.com/blog/the-circle-of-life/) - Life goes in circles. When you go to a funeral, the minister always uses the phrase ashes to ashes, dust to dust. I think it would be better if he said diapers to diapers, pureed food to pureed food. There are circles in everything. As toddlers, we constantly pester our parents with questions. What is - [The Trees Are Trying To Kill Me](https://jeffstangerbooks.com/blog/the-trees-are-trying-to-kill-me/) - Nature is still trying to kill me. I'm certain of it. A few weeks back I wrote about the parade of animals coming through our yard. Deer, coyotes, snakes, hawks, etc. And I don't live in the country. I can be at a Starbucks and/or a Jiffy Lube in less than 5 minutes! And since - [Taxes and Weevils](https://jeffstangerbooks.com/blog/taxes-and-weevils/) - I had to re-file my taxes. It could be because our government's motto is "Anything painful is worth making taxpayers repeat." Or it could be because I might have made a slight mistake on the first round. Tomato / "Tuhmahto" The point is I had to give an accountant even more money and then give - [Bullfights & Ex-Wives](https://jeffstangerbooks.com/blog/bullfights-ex-wives/) - I just finished the Ken Burns documentary on Earnest Hemingway. I learned a lot about the celebrated author from this 6-hour documentary. The biggest takeaway is that his life seemed to be wrapped up in ex-wives and bullfights. He collected a lot of the former and spend an inordinate amount of time on the latter. - [A Rose By Any Other Name is a Typo](https://jeffstangerbooks.com/blog/a-rose-by-any-other-name-is-a-typo/) - All those years ago, Juliet asked the question, "what's in a name?" Well, there's plenty sister! And sometimes a name is worth fighting for. Particularly if your name is Josh Swain. Sometime during the pandemic, a bored man named Josh Swain sought out other Josh Swains and issued a challenge: there can only be ONE Josh Swain. He - [Somebody Wants to Blackmail Me](https://jeffstangerbooks.com/blog/somebody-wants-to-blackmail-me/) - I suppose it was inevitable. I've heard about these blackmail emails that people have been getting. Someone emails you and claims they have control of your computer and if you don't send them money to their Bitcoin wallet, they are going to spill your private life all over the internet. Some of these email threats - [UFOs and Parachute Pants](https://jeffstangerbooks.com/blog/ufos-and-parachute-pants/) - There has been a lot of talk about UFOs in the news this past week, due to the release of previously classified information by the U.S. Government. It has people sharing all kinds of crazy ideas. Including me. I have a theory about this release. It might sound like a crazy conspiracy theory but hear - [When a Call is Just a Call](https://jeffstangerbooks.com/blog/when-a-call-is-just-a-call/) - Yesterday, I had a call scheduled at 2:00 PM. Just a few minutes before 2, the person emailed me in a panic, wanting to know where the Zoom link was. After a year of working from home, the whole world is conditioned to think that a "call" means a video meeting. He couldn't possibly fathom - [Please Continue to Hold](https://jeffstangerbooks.com/blog/please-continue-to-hold/) - The phrase, "all representatives are busy. Please continue to hold" is stuck in my brain. So is a relentlessly cheerful/uplifting song that's being played on a loop through my phone's speakers. As I write this, I've been on hold with the IRS for just a few minutes shy of two hours. "PLEASE CONTINUE TO HOLD..." - [The Return of the Bad Luck Fairy](https://jeffstangerbooks.com/blog/the-return-of-the-bad-luck-fairy/) - Once upon a time, our youngest child told us that the Bad Luck Fairy was following him around that particular week. I told him I could sympathize. That same week our dog was rolling around in poo (2 baths in 2 days) and making his own piles in the house. Meanwhile, we had a string of appliance - [On Bike Races & Drunken Marmots](https://jeffstangerbooks.com/blog/on-bike-races-drunken-marmots/) - The big international news this weekend was the embarrassing sign disaster at the Tour de France. A woman posing for a picture and holding a cardboard sign that said (loosely translated), "Go grandma and grandpa," caused one of the bikers to crash. That crashed started a chain reaction that wiped out most of the field. - [My Congress Mammal Thinks I'm a Nut](https://jeffstangerbooks.com/blog/my-congress-mammal-thinks-im-a-nut/) - Recently, a town in Florida accidentally sold its water tower. It seems the parcel of land it occupied was once split in two, but not the actual deed and other legal paperwork. The gentleman who bought the land and discovered the error then transferred the land back to the city. And here comes the fun - [Discomfort Food](https://jeffstangerbooks.com/blog/discomfort-food/) - Have you ever seen a listing on Yelp or other restaurant ratings site mentioning that the establishment serves “comfort food?” You immediately have an idea of what you’re getting into, right? Meals that are yummy, loaded with calories, and never eaten by fitness models and marathon runners. Things like mashed potatoes, fried chicken, and pie! - [Bus Driving Messengers of Doom](https://jeffstangerbooks.com/blog/bus-driving-messengers-of-doom/) - A while back, I told you about the bag of poo someone left in front of my house. Based on the timing, I suspected it had something to do with my Tales From a Roundabout stories, which poke fun at my hometown. My theory was that I had offended someone. My wife's theory was that somebody forgot to - [The Not-So-Magical Results of Being #1](https://jeffstangerbooks.com/blog/the-not-so-magical-results-of-being-1/) - I’m still me. Nothing’s changed. Last week, something exciting happened. For the first time, one of my books hit #1 on Amazon in the Hot New Release category. Although it was a great honor and I’m very thankful to all of you who bought copies, I quickly realized that all those wild and crazy dreams - [Have You Jeff'd Yourself Today?](https://jeffstangerbooks.com/blog/have-you-jeffd-yourself-today/) - There is this thing people in our family do when they spill food on themselves. They say they “Jeff’d” themselves. I’m not sure how this tradition started (as I glance over at a picture of my wife…), however, it’s taken hold of the entire family. From the kids to my mother-in-law, if somebody drops a - [The Idiot Advisory](https://jeffstangerbooks.com/blog/the-idiot-advisory/) - This morning when I first checked my phone I received a message from the National Weather Service. Not just a message mind you. It was an "advisory." Anyone can give you a message. It takes a government agency to give you an advisory. This advisory informed me that my particular natural habitat was going to - [My Version of Fantasy Football](https://jeffstangerbooks.com/blog/my-version-of-fantasy-football/) - Some of my friends are starting a fantasy football league. I haven't played for a few years, so I'm thinking about getting back in the game so to speak. This means that I will be the coach, GM, and owner of a virtual football team. This virtual "team" will consist of real players. However, they - [Bear, Horns, and Ponies](https://jeffstangerbooks.com/blog/bear-horns-and-ponies/) - One of my wife’s co-workers recently announced that she was going on a bear hunt. She said it just as casually over a text as if she were running to the supermarket. It made my wife sit up and say, “you will never believe what my friend from work is doing.” She proceeded to tell me - [The Crazy Bees Next Door](https://jeffstangerbooks.com/blog/the-crazy-bees-next-door/) - This was today's headline in my Nextdoor Daily Digest email: "The Bees are crazy! Is it me or does it seem like the bees have simply gone mad?" This was posted by a man named Stephen. Stephen is very concerned about the bees. And frankly, I find this kind of conspiracy thinking refreshing. Let's face it, - [The Chaos Behind Perfect](https://jeffstangerbooks.com/blog/the-chaos-behind-perfect/) - I’m on vacation this week. But that doesn’t mean I’m not out looking for nonsense in the world because nonsense never sleeps. Or takes a vacation. Take for example the family I observed on the beach. We were enjoying a relaxing morning, reading, people watching, and observing pelicans dive-bomb for fish. Suddenly this peaceful scene - [A Sheep, A Goat, And a Serial Killer](https://jeffstangerbooks.com/blog/a-sheep-a-goat-and-a-serial-killer/) - I read an article today that has me concerned. The headline read: Loose Sheep Evades Capture in Illinois City. There's a lot to unpack here. First, is the sheep promiscuous or on the lamb (couldn't resist)? If it's the former, what business of the city is it who the sheep cavorts with? If it's the - [Gruntled And Whelmed](https://jeffstangerbooks.com/blog/gruntled-and-whelmed/) - We're only a week or so away from Thanksgiving and I'm feeling gruntled and whelmed. That's a good thing, by the way. It's very close to being thankful —which I will be next week when pie returns to our kitchen. I'm on a campaign to make gruntled and whelmed common everyday words. The world has become - [Bond, Bathrooms, & Books](https://jeffstangerbooks.com/blog/bond-bathrooms-books/) - I did something I haven't been able to do in almost 2 years this weekend. I went to a movie! And not just any movie. A James Bond movie. If you decide to go see this final chapter in the Daniel Craig run as Bond, you'll need to plan your potty break. This movie clocks in - [Greetings From San Diego](https://jeffstangerbooks.com/blog/greetings-from-san-diego/) - Okay, so I’m not really in San Diego anymore. My wife forbids me to post from the road, lest ne’er-do-wells come to our residence and steal our stuff and wipe themselves with the good towels.* She’s pretty smart about these things, so for the rest of this post, pretend I’m still there. We’re staying at - [Gizmo Never Forgets](https://jeffstangerbooks.com/blog/gizmo-never-forgets/) - My dog is angry at me. He knows I'm going to California soon without him. So, he's protesting this trip by trying to keep me awake. He dragged me out of bed last night on the pretense that there was a thunderstorm. When there is thunder and lightning at night, he crawls on top of - [Go Be Odd](https://jeffstangerbooks.com/blog/go-be-odd/) - Whenever I need a pick-me-up, I like to scan the Odd News headlines. They are a soothing and hilarious antidote to the crime and political headlines that keep everybody shouting at each other on Twitter and TV. And there's a 50-50 chance someone somewhere has done something while naked. And that adds to the comedy - [Joy Mongering](https://jeffstangerbooks.com/blog/joy-mongering/) - Recently, in a moment of madness, I clicked on a headline for some political squabble. One side was accusing the other of fear-mongering. That got me thinking, is there a good kind of mongering? Let's face it, mongering gets associated with all the negative things like fear and hate. I'm sure mongering's mother told him, - [The Euphemism is on Fire](https://jeffstangerbooks.com/blog/the-euphemism-is-on-fire/) - A few weeks ago in Houston, a woman was playing a "gaming machine." A gaming machine is a euphemism for gambling, much like "circle back" is a euphemism for "I really don't want to talk about this right now." Anyway, she was playing away at her euphemism and lost. I was unable to determine how - [Traditions](https://jeffstangerbooks.com/blog/traditions/) - Are there any holiday traditions that you think are dumb? (I know I’m entering dangerous territory here, so if I offend you pretend this message came from John Grisham.) For me, it’s outdoor live nativity scenes. I was invited to be part of one once, and I can’t think of anything I would rather do - [The Big Potato](https://jeffstangerbooks.com/blog/the-big-potato/) - Put Cyprus on your list of Must Visit Places. I know I have, now that I've learned they have a monument to rival the Eiffel Tower and the Statue of Liberty. It's called The Big Potato. That's not a typo. The town of Xylophagou (also not a typo) erected a 16-foot tall potato in honor - [My Brain Has a Gremlin](https://jeffstangerbooks.com/blog/my-brain-has-a-gremlin/) - I think my brain has a gremlin. And that might not be a bad thing. It's helped me come up with some good story ideas. One of those is available for the first time today! More on that in a moment. First, did you see the movie Gremlins? Every time one of the nice furry - [Death Cooties & Alluvial Deposits](https://jeffstangerbooks.com/blog/death-cooties-alluvial-deposits/) - A while back, I proposed that we needed to rename COVID. I felt "Mandalorian Death Cooties" was a much better title. It sounds exotic and menacing. COVID sounds like either the rec center at a small private college or the answer to some calculus question I got wrong in college. (I got a lot of - [Renovation Probation](https://jeffstangerbooks.com/blog/renovation-probation/) - I'm feeling discombobulated. In fact, our whole house is discombobulated. My dog is stressed. My wife is restless. And everything is piled in corners. The US Department of Home Renovation forced us at gunpoint to rip out our carpet and replace it. I bet you didn't know the government has a Department of Home Renovation, - [A Better Day Job](https://jeffstangerbooks.com/blog/a-better-day-job/) - [et_pb_section fb_built=”1″ admin_label=”section” _builder_version=”3.22″ hover_enabled=”0″ global_colors_info=”{}” sticky_enabled=”0″][et_pb_row _builder_version=”4.14.7″ _module_preset=”default”][et_pb_column _builder_version=”4.14.7″ _module_preset=”default” type=”4_4″][et_pb_image src=”https://jeffstangerbooks.com/wp-content/uploads/2022/01/np_bubbles_4531208_102E47.png” _builder_version=”4.14.7″ _module_preset=”default” title_text=”np_bubbles_4531208_102E47″ align=”center” min_height=”225px” height=”195px” max_height=”591px” hover_enabled=”0″ sticky_enabled=”0″][/et_pb_image][/et_pb_column][/et_pb_row][et_pb_row admin_label=”row” _builder_version=”3.25″ background_size=”initial” background_position=”top_left” background_repeat=”repeat” global_colors_info=”{}”][et_pb_column type=”4_4″ _builder_version=”3.25″ custom_padding=”|||” global_colors_info=”{}” custom_padding__hover=”|||”][et_pb_text admin_label=”Text” _builder_version=”3.27.4″ background_size=”initial” background_position=”top_left” background_repeat=”repeat” global_colors_info=”{}”]French physicists have more fun than you and I. You see, they’re not burdened by the mundane - [Pillow Fights and Couch Forts](https://jeffstangerbooks.com/blog/pillow-fights-and-couch-forts/) - The world is stealing my ideas. Okay, technically I didn't invent the Professional Pillow Fight League, but it does sound exactly like the sort of nonsense I would put in one of my stories, right? In previous novels, I came up with the Future Carnies of America, Beer League Croquet, and The Neurotic Meter Maids. - [I Have to Write Something Now](https://jeffstangerbooks.com/blog/i-have-to-write-something-now/) - It's Tuesday morning. I've got a blog post & newsletter to get out. What should I write about? Nothing funny going on there. Lots of people complaining about snow removal. 20 minutes later. Wow, I've got to get this done. I know, I'll check the Odd News site. - [Conspicuous Perching](https://jeffstangerbooks.com/blog/conspicuous-perching/) - Bird watchers are positively giddy with the news that the first-ever bat falcon has been spotted in the United States. If you read that and had to do a double-take, so did I. Until about 10 minutes ago, I had never heard of a bat falcon. At first, I thought it was made up. A marketing ploy, - [Critics And Soap](https://jeffstangerbooks.com/blog/critics-and-soap/) - Critics can be tough. Particularly when it comes to friends and family. That's why I don't ask people if they've read my books. If they like it, they will tell me. If they didn't, I know they will avoid the topic. So, why make us both feel uncomfortable, right? I've learned this lesson the hard - [In Search of the Bottle Size Fairy](https://jeffstangerbooks.com/blog/in-search-of-the-bottle-size-fairy/) - Last week I went to Phoenix for Spring Training. If you follow baseball, you'll know that there was no Spring Training due to the player/owner labor dispute. I offered to help them settle it by officiating a rock/paper/scissors contest, but the league office no longer takes my calls. But since this was a family vacation - [The Price of Stuff](https://jeffstangerbooks.com/blog/the-price-of-stuff/) - Prices are going up on everything. Gas, food, flamethrowers (I'll get to that in a minute) all cost more than they did a year ago. Last night I went to an Italian restaurant and they charged $5 for bread. For bread! Remember when Italian restaurants practically stuffed bread in your pockets? Okay, maybe I was - [Something Stinks Here](https://jeffstangerbooks.com/blog/something-stinks-here/) - My house stinks. Somewhere hidden in this place is a dead animal, a forgotten morsel of food, or something worse I don't even want to consider. It all started a few days after we got back from Florida. We noticed this musty smell, that grew into a garbage smell, and went full-on dead rodent smell. - [The High Price of Stealing Gas](https://jeffstangerbooks.com/blog/the-high-price-of-stealing-gas/) - Last week, I mentioned my journey to Florida. The primary purpose of my trip was work. The secondary purpose was to squeeze in a mini-vacation. Apparently, the tertiary purpose of my trip was to leave my gas tank unattended so ne'er-do-wells could empty it. Gas has become so expensive that people are stealing it again, - [Toilets and the TSA](https://jeffstangerbooks.com/blog/toilets-and-the-tsa/) - Last week I went to St. Petersburg Florida for a conference. It was my first flight after being deemed by the federal government as posing no significant risk to the general population of travelers, flight attendants, and pilots. In other words, I finally got TSA Pre-Check. Some might argue that my books are a risk to people - [Bogged Down in Toe Knuckles](https://jeffstangerbooks.com/blog/bogged-down-in-toe-knuckles/) - I didn’t win the billion-dollar jackpot from Mega Millions last week. I could blame my wife for purchasing the wrong ticket. I could blame math for making the odds so astronomical that you are 300 times more likely to get hit by lightning than win the cash. Or, I could just say that I’m happy - [Running From the 'Rona](https://jeffstangerbooks.com/blog/running-from-the-rona/) - It's officially here. The Coronavirus has invaded our home like a bad house guest. It took up residence in my wife's respiratory system and now she's sequestered in our guest bedroom. I, on the other hand, am dodging it like a deadbeat trying to evade a process server. Sometimes I put on disguises to confuse - [The Only Thing We Have to Fear](https://jeffstangerbooks.com/blog/the-only-thing-we-have-to-fear/) - Franklin Roosevelt once uttered the famous quote, "The only thing we have to fear is fear itself." He was wrong. We have to fear alligators. Particularly, alligators that are not where they should be —as in Michigan. Now, if I go to Florida, I know that any body of water can be teeming with creatures - [Toads, Ushers, and Detritus](https://jeffstangerbooks.com/blog/toads-ushers-and-detritus/) - Last weekend we attended our first concert since before the modern version of the plague disrupted daily lives and the chicken wing supply chain. It was the Last Summer on Earth Tour with Gin Blossoms, Toad the Wet Sprocket, and Barenaked Ladies. The show had been rescheduled twice and we bought the tickets in December of 2019. - [Confessions and Conspiracies](https://jeffstangerbooks.com/blog/confessions-and-conspiracies/) - When our kids were younger and they had friends sleep over, I would hear noises in the basement room where the HVAC, water heater, etc. were located. I told my wife that I thought the kids were peeing in the sump pump. She thought I was crazy. Years later, our grown-up kids finally admitted that they peed - [My Warranty is About to Expire](https://jeffstangerbooks.com/blog/my-warranty-is-about-to-expire/) - This week is my 10th anniversary, or my 10-year warranty is about to expire, depending on your point of view. I’ve experienced the normal wear and tear (I’m grayer and fatter) but still functioning. My wife, unfortunately, has a front-row seat to the kind of nonsense that you readers only experience once a week. For example, - [The Preferred Weapon of Gamblers & Prostitutes](https://jeffstangerbooks.com/blog/the-preferred-weapon-of-gamblers-prostitutes/) - My mom (who is 80+) was in a purge mood this weekend. She was going through items in her house and telling us who they should go to when she passed. She also asked us if we wanted some things that she didn't want to keep around. To our surprise, she produced an odd-looking pistol that had belonged - [I Want To Be A Spy](https://jeffstangerbooks.com/blog/i-want-to-be-a-spy/) - This weekend I visited our nation’s capital. If you’re reading this from outside the U.S., Washington DC can be summed up as follows: Every 2-4 years, Americans vote to send our most disagreeable citizens to Washington where they are forced to argue with each other in close quarters. We compensate them by pretending they matter - [Where Do Ideas Come From?](https://jeffstangerbooks.com/blog/where-do-ideas-come-from/) - Occasionally, people ask me where my ideas come from and if I’m seeing a team of psychologists. The answer to the second question is easy. No, I’m not seeing anyone. I’m a free-range nut. And that allows me to continue to deliver my weekly dose of nonsense to the masses. As for the first question, - [Beyond Pork & Bon Jovi](https://jeffstangerbooks.com/blog/beyond-pork-bon-jovi/) - Bed, Bath, and Beyond should really surrender the “beyond” in their name. Have you been there lately? There’s not much beyond. It’s a pretty sad state of affairs. There is a place that deserves the “beyond” in its title, however. I know because I worked there all weekend. It’s my father-in-law’s amalgamation of a thrift - [Climbing Volcanoes](https://jeffstangerbooks.com/blog/climbing-volcanoes/) - Why do we do it? Why are we the only species that goes out of our way to put ourselves in mortal danger? This morning I read about a group of twelve Russian tourists who tried to climb a volcano last Tuesday. Six of them died. Trying to CLIMB A VOLCANO! What could go wrong? - [What's the Big Hurry?](https://jeffstangerbooks.com/blog/whats-the-big-hurry/) - People are in too much of a hurry. I’m currently not in a hurry. I’m typing extra slowly because I’m on vacation. I’m also using relaxing verb tenses and drinking something with rum in it. I’m sitting on a balcony, watching people hurry to the beach as if the pelicans are breathlessly awaiting their arrival. - [The Vivid and Mystical Roundabout](https://jeffstangerbooks.com/blog/the-vivid-and-mystical-roundabout/) - Did you know it’s National Roundabout Week? Of course not. You have lives. But here in Carmel, Indiana, it’s a big deal. Carmel is the roundabout capital of the United States. We have around 140 of them with more on the way. Our mayor likes to fill them with art. Not local art mind you. - [The Dos and Don'ts of Interesting Small Talk](https://jeffstangerbooks.com/blog/the-dos-and-donts-of-interesting-small-talk/) - This week I had to go to a strategic planning meeting for my day job. This occurred for two reasons: Organizations can’t be trusted to go about their business without a plan. They must go into meeting rooms every 5-6 years with a facilitator and discuss the future, the past, and the now so they - [Greetings From Canada!](https://jeffstangerbooks.com/blog/greetings-from-canada/) - I’m writing to you from Canada today! Can you believe they let me in? I know my wife sure couldn’t. I think our family had a pool going on for how long I would be detained at the border. So, she’s a little sore, that she lost. Mostly she was afraid that I would say - [The Nut List](https://jeffstangerbooks.com/blog/the-nut-list/) - I’ve been hearing rumors on social media that people in power keep a nut list. I’m pretty sure I’m on it. And I’m okay with that. I’ve done some things–that to me were perfectly reasonable–but most normal people might think of as odd to get myself there. There was the time I called Google and - [Blind Dates & King Cobras](https://jeffstangerbooks.com/blog/blind-dates-king-cobras/) - The zoo in Stockholm Sweden had to be closed this week because a king cobra escaped, according to Ben Hooper at UPI. To me, closing seems like an under-reaction. I think a king cobra escape would be grounds for a drone strike, but that’s just me. I know you’re thinking what about the other animals? And I - [Gaps in the Greeting Card Market](https://jeffstangerbooks.com/blog/gaps-in-the-greeting-card-market/) - Lately, I’ve been considering a new business idea. If you’ve been to a greeting card store lately (or the greeting card aisle of your local pharmacy), you’ve probably noticed they are woefully lacking in the types of cardboard sentiment that capture the current culture. For example, someone I know let their ex-wife move back in, - [The Cycle of Dumbness](https://jeffstangerbooks.com/blog/the-cycle-of-dumbness/) - Every day we do dumb things. And we hope the dumb things don’t outnumber the smart things so that a trend develops. Once dumbness begins to trend, bad things are on the way. Yesterday, I did a dumb thing. I left my phone at home, before driving an hour and a half away (to Bloomington, - [Pumpkin Spice, Bendy Straws, & a Lute](https://jeffstangerbooks.com/blog/pumpkin-spice-bendy-straws-a-lute/) - It’s that time of year when everyone becomes obsessed with pumpkin spice. You can't go anywhere without running into it. From Starbucks coffee to Hostess Twinkies, everyone is trying to inject pumpkin into your day. Personally, I'm not a fan. Pumpkin deodorant? No thanks. Chocolate deodorant, sign me up! Pumpkin car detailing spray? Hard pass. - [What Did I Miss?](https://jeffstangerbooks.com/blog/what-did-i-miss/) - I survived the ‘rona virus. That’s good news for me, but not such good news for the literary world as I will continue to write the type of nonsense you’ve all grown accustomed to reading. I won’t go into a lot of details, let’s just say there was a lot of phlegm involved and sleeping - [My Corona](https://jeffstangerbooks.com/blog/my-corona/) - I finally got it. After nearly 3 years of avoiding COVID, it finally beat me. So, I hope you’ll forgive me if my newsletter is short this week. In fact, I’m going to post a replay of my trip to get the shot from 2021 below. In the meantime, I’m doing okay. I would say - [Gravity Will Fix That](https://jeffstangerbooks.com/blog/gravity-will-fix-that/) - Recently we hired “handymen” to fix a hole in our ceiling and install a new light fixture. A previous team of so-called handymen had installed a light that was hanging by wishes and pixie dust. It hadn’t been attached to the support beams and was instead, just anchored into the drywall. After years of magically hovering above - [A Tumor, A Burrito, Or Poo](https://jeffstangerbooks.com/blog/a-tumor-a-burrito-or-poo/) - Yesterday, I realized my appendix has been gone for six years. I haven’t missed it. We weren’t close. But it made me think, “Who is picking up the slack down there? Who took over the work of my appendix since it’s no longer there.” My wife then gave me an odd look and I realized - [A Certificate of Congratulations!](https://jeffstangerbooks.com/blog/a-certificate-of-congratulations/) - This week I received an important letter from my state government. When I saw the official envelope, I immediately thought it was a tax-related issue. Such is the PTSD I have from last year when the IRS deposited my check and then promptly forgot where they put it. I spend 7 months and countless hours - [Wings and Nuggets](https://jeffstangerbooks.com/blog/wings-and-nuggets/) - It’s NCAA tournament time. And for those of you subscribers who are outside the U.S., it’s a three-week period when the authorities look the other way as we gamble on college basketball and eat lots of chicken wings. It’s like Mardi Gras, but with fewer exposed breasts. And speaking of breasts, a Chicago man is - [He'll Taste Like Ribeye](https://jeffstangerbooks.com/blog/hell-taste-like-ribeye/) - I’m going to Arizona soon and I might not make it back alive. If I don’t, it’s been a good run. I’ve scheduled tweets for an entire year after my demise, just to mess with people’s heads. So, keep an eye out for those. The reason I’m in peril is I’m taking my entire family - [An Absolute Pleasure](https://jeffstangerbooks.com/blog/an-absolute-pleasure/) - I recently flew to Atlanta and heard something that struck me as odd. Or sad. I’ll let you decide. When we landed, the flight attendant said on the intercom, “It is our absolute pleasure to welcome you to Atlanta.” Can you believe that? His absolute pleasure. Absolute! There’s no better pleasure than absolute. Absolute is - [Morning People With Guns](https://jeffstangerbooks.com/blog/morning-people-with-guns/) - I just got back from New Orleans and I’m glad to be home. I saw a lot of unruliness down there. And not the fun kind people always talk about when they mention New Orleans. For example, on day one, I witnessed a guy pull a gun on another man right in the middle of - [Artificial Intelligence](https://jeffstangerbooks.com/blog/artificial-intelligence/) - Did I write today’s post? Or did a computer do it? Artificial Intelligence (AI) is being used for some incredible and scary applications all around us. In April alone, 1000 new AI apps were released. Recently a publisher announced they were publishing a children’s book that an author proudly claimed was co-written by an AI - [I'm an Underachiever](https://jeffstangerbooks.com/blog/im-an-underachiever/) - It’s graduation season. And boy do I feel like an underachiever. I just read a story about a twelve-year-old boy in California who graduated college with five degrees. That’s not a typo. He was awarded five Associate of Arts degrees in History, Social Sciences, Social Behavior and Self-Development, Arts and Human Expression, and Science and - [He Does That!](https://jeffstangerbooks.com/blog/he-does-that/) - On the way home from our North Carolina trip, we passed a man that was peeing by the side of the road. He wasn’t making any attempt to disguise what he was doing. No scurrying off into the bushes for this guy. No discreet coverage with an open car door. Nope. This guy marched 10 - [House Shopping](https://jeffstangerbooks.com/blog/house-shopping/) - My wife and I picked out a new house yesterday. Well, I picked it out. She’s not so sure. I knew the moment the tour guide told us there were secret rooms. Me: “Honey, we’re moving in here.” Her: “Right, we couldn’t afford the upkeep.” Me: “But it has a bowling alley.” Her: “It’s in - [I'm Applying For A New Job](https://jeffstangerbooks.com/blog/im-applying-for-a-new-job/) - This weekend the British crowned a new king. If you’ve never been, it’s an epic celebration of all things royal. People wear epic hats and silly –I mean traditional–costumes and pack into Westminster Abbey to watch a lot of singing, reciting, pledges of loyalty, a man getting doused with oil, and finally a crown for - [A New Pile of Literature](https://jeffstangerbooks.com/blog/a-new-pile-of-literature/) - Today is Launch Day. My next collection of stories set in my current hometown of Carmel, Indiana is available. It contains five more episodes chronicling the lives of characters like Mayor Teddy Wiggins, Officer Lupinsky, and the boys from Lakewood Estates. There will be one more collection of these stories and then a full-length novel - [My Two Cents](https://jeffstangerbooks.com/blog/my-two-cents/) - Last Sunday, Amazon reported to me that I made 2¢ in royalties. So, I decided to give it all away! Here’s my 2¢ on two cents. First, I looked up the origin of the phrase. There are a variety of possibilities, but the one that makes the most sense is from 16th-century England. It’s a take - [The History of Independence Day](https://jeffstangerbooks.com/blog/the-history-of-independence-day/) - Back in the 1700s, the place we now call the United States of America was actually a scurvy-ridden collection of colonies owned by the British. The Brits took it from the natives, who took it from each other, who took it from a guy named Sam who came across the land bridge from Russia to - [Outrageous Fortune Cookie](https://jeffstangerbooks.com/blog/outrageous-fortune-cookie/) - I was recently having dinner in a Japanese restaurant with my wife, sister-in-law, and our friend Kate. At some point in the conversation, the topic of Kate’s upcoming procedure came up and who was going to drive her there and back. My wife was originally planning to do it, but my sister-in-law (Joyce) said she - [Run! She's Got A Knife!](https://jeffstangerbooks.com/blog/run-shes-got-a-knife/) - Last week I shared the story of the colonoscopy prank. (Thanks to all of you who shared your ideas about how to get the fortune cookie down in one piece, by the way.) Just so you know, sister Kate came through with flying colors, although she didn’t try any funny business, which I consider a - [The Prickly Wickets](https://jeffstangerbooks.com/blog/the-prickly-wickets/) - One of our friends has a double-sized lot with nothing on the second half. They’ve talked about putting in a pool. But we visited last weekend and she informed us they were going to put in a croquet court. They are even going to make people wear all white to come over and play. Now, - [The Secret to a Long Marriage](https://jeffstangerbooks.com/blog/the-secret-to-a-long-marriage/) - Last week my wife and I celebrated our anniversary. We marked the occasion by returning to the place we got married: a former church that had been turned into a restaurant that overlooked the canal in downtown Indianapolis. The restaurant is no longer in business. The minister who presided over the ceremony is retired. Our - [Find My Enemies](https://jeffstangerbooks.com/blog/find-my-enemies/) - I think it’s time that Elon Musk, Mark Zuckerberg, Mark Cuban, or someone I’m related to who wants to share the royalties to invent a Find My Enemies App. We already have Find My Friends. Why not Find My Enemies? You’ve heard the phrase, “Keep your friends close and your enemies closer.” Well, this is - [Shoulder Malfeasance](https://jeffstangerbooks.com/blog/shoulder-malfeasance/) - Yesterday I began physical therapy on my left shoulder. I’m sure that you’re all thinking “What stupid thing did you say to your wife, and did she hit you with a chair or a two-by-four?” Nothing of the kind took place, I assure you. After eleven years of marriage, I’ve learned to say stupid things when - [Snakes & Needles](https://jeffstangerbooks.com/blog/snakes-needles/) - I woke up this morning to a report out of Mesa, AZ that a pest removal company took 20 snakes out of a homeowner’s garage. He called to say they had been there for several days. Several days? How do you not burn the place to the ground, let alone let them hang out for - [Hurricane Tales: Part 2](https://jeffstangerbooks.com/blog/hurricane-tales-part-2/) - The fun continued at Section D of Plantation Estates. In the afternoon, we went to a movie because there was nothing else to do. We saw Mission Impossible. The movie was 3 hours long and could have been about 2 and still not lost anything. The shocking part is this was only part 1. So - [A Giant Swirling Nuisance](https://jeffstangerbooks.com/blog/a-giant-swirling-nuisance/) - I’m on the run this week. I was supposed to be on vacation, but a giant swirling nuisance formed out in the Atlantic and has decided to run headlong into the state of Florida. When we left home on Saturday, it hadn’t even formed into a tropical storm, depression, or menace. By Monday morning, we - [Where My Mind Wanders](https://jeffstangerbooks.com/blog/where-my-mind-wanders/) - The other day I was thinking about pole vaulting. Not doing it myself, mind you. There’s no senior division in track and field like there is in golf. Too bad, actually. Who wouldn’t want to see AARP members doing the 100-meter hurdles? No, I was thinking about why you never see recreational pole vaulting. Think - [Laser Hair Helmets & Vibrating Forks](https://jeffstangerbooks.com/blog/laser-hair-helmets-vibrating-forks/) - Last weekend I saw a Christmas display in a store that was the same size as their Halloween display. We’ve officially entered the Halloween/Thanksgiving/Christmas marketing portion of the year. Municipalities all over the country are infusing pumpkin spice into the water supply and compulsory wreath-making classes are being held in barns throughout the Midwest. And - [Chocolate, Vegetables, and Self Control](https://jeffstangerbooks.com/blog/chocolate-vegetables-and-self-control/) - They’re sitting there. Just outside my office door. Two steps beyond, in a pantry/utility closet. Three bags of Halloween Candy. They’re calling me. “We have chocolate. And caramel. And nougat (whatever that is). And did we mention chocolate?” We’re two weeks away from Halloween. And those three bags aren’t likely to make it into the - [Back to School](https://jeffstangerbooks.com/blog/back-to-school/) - I’m going back to school. Not to college mind you. After eight years at Indiana University, I was handed a degree on the condition I don’t come back without a 48-hour advanced warning. No, this is adult education. I’m in a six-day intensive training program. When I am done, I will have a certificate in - [Shopping For Pants](https://jeffstangerbooks.com/blog/shopping-for-pants/) - Sunday, I tried to buy pants. It seems simple, doesn’t it? What could be complicated about that? You go in and try them on. Pick the best fit. Pay and off you go. But alas, this is 2023 and nothing is simple anymore. First, I went to a store that we’ll call “Macy’s” in order - [Constant State of Misery](https://jeffstangerbooks.com/blog/constant-state-of-misery/) - My dog is making it hard to write this morning because he is under my desk making pouting noises. He feels he should be supervising the HVAC repair man that is currently in our basement. The more I think about it, maybe I should have let him supervise. He just let out a loud moan - [Everybody Has a Price](https://jeffstangerbooks.com/blog/everybody-has-a-price/) - Yesterday, I read a story about an influencer who was offered $50K to tweet nice things about one of the current US presidential candidates. I don’t know which is more amazing. That one can earn a living as an “influencer” or that a 140-character endorsement can get you $50K? The guy in question has about - [Meet the Melvins](https://jeffstangerbooks.com/blog/meet-the-melvins/) - (Here's an excerpt from an upcoming Tales From a Roundabout) Joe Melvin revved the engine of his Ford pickup truck with the transmission in neutral. Tears streamed down his cheeks. It was past 11:00pm on a Wednesday and the only lights around were from his headlights and the dashboard. With his left hand he tapped - [Sincere Presents](https://jeffstangerbooks.com/blog/sincere-presents/) - Gift giving is different all over the world. Take Japan for example. It’s customary to receive the gift with both hands and open it later, when the giver isn’t present. Or in Ghana, a gift should be wrapped and given with the right hand. In Russia, you shouldn’t give flowers in even numbers. That said, - [Rejected By NASA](https://jeffstangerbooks.com/blog/rejected-by-nasa/) - Want to live on Mars? Well, you can. Sort of. You can live on a fake Mars for a whole year and get paid to do it! The same people who brought you Apollo 13, Tang, and the Space Shuttle are looking for 4 people to enter a Mars simulator for one year. You will - [How Do I Know?](https://jeffstangerbooks.com/blog/how-do-i-know/) - [et_pb_section admin_label=”section”] [et_pb_row admin_label=”row”] [et_pb_column type=”4_4″][et_pb_text admin_label=”Text”] Decisions are hard. Last week I had to make a whole bunch of decisions about who would win games in the college basketball tournament. I can safely say that most of those decisions were bad. I’m dead last in the pool I did with my wife, sister-in-law, and - [The Butt Cheek / Hookery Part of Town](https://jeffstangerbooks.com/blog/the-butt-cheek-hookery-part-of-town/) - My wife and I took a road trip to Columbus Ohio to see the band Toto this weekend. Columbus is the home to Ohio State University and White Castle. There are probably some famous people from there, but I was too lazy to look them up. I do know (now) that it is the largest - [Good Luck & Mangos](https://jeffstangerbooks.com/blog/good-luck-mangos/) - I was on the road again last week. This was the last trip for a while and it was for pleasure, not work. This time we visited our youngest son in Hawaii. Sounds rough, I know. But somebody has to have a kid in Hawaii and we thought, “why not us?” Actually, that one kind - [Proper and Fortuitous](https://jeffstangerbooks.com/blog/proper-and-fortuitous/) - I've written about how I love torturing scammers and spammers before, and today one of those instances popped up in my Facebook memories. It made me laugh, so I thought I would share. It's from 2019, and I don't think I shared this one before, but if I did, my apologies. Below is an email - [An Olympic Sport You're Not Likely to See](https://jeffstangerbooks.com/blog/an-olympic-sport-youre-not-likely-to-see/) - The news is terrifying these days. And I’m not even talking about the election. Last week scientists announced that sharks off the coast of Brazil tested positive for cocaine. I had no idea things had gotten that bad in the shark community. Sure, they’ve had alcohol issues since the 70s, what with the self-loathing from - [Greek Food and Toe Knuckles](https://jeffstangerbooks.com/blog/greek-food-and-toe-knuckles/) - I’m a member of a Facebook group called Indy Local Foodies. Now before we get started, let’s get this out of the way. I’m not a foodie. I’ve never been described as a foodie, nor do I use that word in conversations on a regular basis. I joined because it’s a great place for my - [Severed Heads and Cheetos Bags](https://jeffstangerbooks.com/blog/severed-heads-and-cheetos-bags/) - Tomorrow, men in overalls will come take all my worldly possessions and move them to an undisclosed bunker in northern… No wait, that’s my doomsday blog post. Today isn’t doomsday. (Unless you’re a moody teenager and then every day is doomsday, particularly junior year of high school.) No, I checked the weather app (and they’re - [How to Tune a Spoon](https://jeffstangerbooks.com/blog/how-to-tune-a-spoon/) - My mother-in-law let a nugget slip at brunch this past weekend that was too amazing to pass up. She hired a spoon player. “You hired a what?” my sister-in-law asked. “A spoon player,” my mother-in-law confirmed. “You know, those guys that play the spoons.” Now my wife and sister-in-law laughed. Not me. I was in - [State Your Occupation for the Court](https://jeffstangerbooks.com/blog/state-your-occupation-for-the-court/) - I was watching the TV adaptation of The Lincoln Lawyer the other night. The scene in question had the lawyers selecting members of the jury for an upcoming trial. The judge instructed the potential jurors to state their name, occupation, and marital status when called upon. Within seconds, are started to giggle. My wife looked - [The Island of Useless Chickens](https://jeffstangerbooks.com/blog/the-island-of-useless-chickens/) - Lots of people are concerned about the price of eggs. And have you ordered wings at your favorite pub lately? The prices are through the roof! But I have a solution to this madness: Hawaii! Our youngest son lives on Oahu. He calls it the Island of Useless Chickens. (I think I may have rubbed - [I Think Geese Sound Like Hillbillies!](https://jeffstangerbooks.com/blog/i-think-geese-sound-like-hillbillies/) - Am I the only one who thinks geese sound like hillbillies? Seriously, have you listened to one lately? Geese may look majestic, but they sound like hillbillies. I’ve been doing a lot of geese research lately because a) they live all around us now and b) it helps me avoid any meaningful work. We have - [Car Shopping Is Hard](https://jeffstangerbooks.com/blog/car-shopping-is-hard/) - Last week I shared my desire to own a flying RV. Unfortunately, the helicopter Winnebago has been rather elusive. To put it bluntly, it’s been impossible to locate. They only sold one and whomever has it remains a mystery. So, I’m moving to plans B through Q. I looked into the Chitty Chitty Bang Bang - [Beavers On A Plane](https://jeffstangerbooks.com/blog/beavers-on-a-plane/) - A long time ago, my friend Bill convinced me to go see the movie Snakes On A Plane. He still owes me a refund. Of course, this Samuel L. Jackson flick was far-fetched and horrible. Hopefully, Hollywood will do better when it makes Beavers On A Plane. Why would Beavers On A Plane be better - [Want to Go to Space?](https://jeffstangerbooks.com/blog/want-to-go-to-space/) - Last week, Jeff Bezos sent six women to space via his company, Blue Origin. He came up with the idea for the company back in the early 2000s and has since spent billions of dollars on land, space craft, and nifty uniforms. And now, if you have a couple of million dollars lying around and - [A Grazing Buffalo](https://jeffstangerbooks.com/blog/a-grazing-buffalo/) - My work computer displays random images as a background. They change a couple of times per day, and I have no idea what’s coming next. Usually, the photography is quite stunning. There’s an interesting variety of nature, architecture, and historic places —all taken by gifted photographers. But today when I turned on my computer there - [An Alien In My Kitchen](https://jeffstangerbooks.com/blog/an-alien-in-my-kitchen/) - There’s an alien in my kitchen. He’s perched on an upper shelf, looking down on me through a little glass door. He’s green and has the same expression all the time. Last night he watched me eat a cookie, right before I went to bed. He didn’t tell my wife, so I think I’m going - [I Want to be a Mad Zoku](https://jeffstangerbooks.com/blog/i-want-to-be-a-mad-zoku/) - I want to be a madogiwa-zoku. Don’t worry, I don’t know how to pronounce it either. For the purposes of today’s story, we’re going to just call it the Mad Zoku. But trust me, this is my new destiny. It turns out, 49% of Japanese companies have a Mad Zoku. What’s a Mad Zoku and - [The Cycle of (Robot) Life](https://jeffstangerbooks.com/blog/the-cycle-of-robot-life/) - You hear a lot about robots these days. Robots are building cars, assembling houses, and moving warehouse freight. Robots are even folding laundry. Not in my house, but I’ve seen them being tested in hotels. Our house is robot free for now, but it’s only a matter of time. With the rise of robots, it - [Shenanigans Are Afoot](https://jeffstangerbooks.com/blog/shenanigans-are-afoot/) - Shenanigans are afoot in my neighborhood. Normally, I'm all in on the shenanigans. But this time, I wasn't involved. And worse, my neighbors think I did it! Someone put this zen gnome under the bench in our little neighborhood park. And given my reputation, everyone thinks I did it. But it wasn't me! Now I - [Time Flies](https://jeffstangerbooks.com/blog/time-flies/) - Twenty years ago this past week, my first novel, Trolley Dodgers was published. Since then, I’ve gone on to fame and fortune, had all my books turned into movies, and have a summer home on the Mediterranean Sea. Just kidding! None of that happened. Instead, my first publisher went belly up in the 2008 economic crash, Trolley Dodgers was - [The Gauntlet of Shopping Angst](https://jeffstangerbooks.com/blog/the-gauntlet-of-shopping-angst/) - I was in Kohl’s this weekend and I had no idea they had changed their checkout system to a medieval torture maze to extract every last dollar from their customers. I’ve seen these before at places like At Home and Cost-Plus World Market. But Kohl’s has joined the bandwagon as well. I’m sure there are - [Life in Array](https://jeffstangerbooks.com/blog/life-in-array/) - My life seems to be in array this week. There was disarray last week, for certain. Lots of contractors milling about, removing things, moving things and installing things. I flew to Alexandria, Virginia and back. And I discovered a new sport that should be in the Olympics. The contractors repaired a French drain that was - [I Feel Judged](https://jeffstangerbooks.com/blog/i-feel-judged/) - Last week I wrote about dressing up like a bear and stealing ice cream. Little did I know how much that was going to come back and bite me. As some of you have pointed out, this is Fat Bear Week. And well, I sort of resemble a fat bear, even without the costume. What - [The Sounds of Elegant Living](https://jeffstangerbooks.com/blog/the-sounds-of-elegant-living/) - My wife and I celebrated being in our new house for a year last month. Overall, I would say it’s been a great experience. We have great neighbors, and the floorplan works for us. We’ve talked about what we would change and there aren’t too many things we would do differently. In fact, I would - [Trendy Booze](https://jeffstangerbooks.com/blog/trendy-booze/) - (Below is an excerpt from Tales From a Roundabout: Volume 4. Enjoy!) Doug Murphy paced back and forth in the reception area of the Aztec Hillbilly Brewery headquarters in Carmel, Indiana. It was only a month until the Fourth of July, and Doug was the city employee in charge of corporate sponsorships for both the - [Advent and Sadvent](https://jeffstangerbooks.com/blog/advent-and-sadvent/) - My wife started a new tradition last year by giving me, our three sons, and our daughter-in-law quirky advent calendars. This year I got two, one with Lego Star Wars and one with baseball cards! It’s a little shared bit of joy in the holiday season. But… It got me thinking how to I could - [They Doubt the Sanity. The Writing Endures](https://jeffstangerbooks.com/blog/they-doubt-the-sanity-the-writing-endures/) - My wife went to Europe last week. She landed in Paris on the very day of the Louvre heist! She swears she wasn’t involved but she and her sister are being tight lipped about their movements in the City of Love. I wouldn’t put it past them. Sort of a slightly past mid-life crisis. Of - [Dive In](https://jeffstangerbooks.com/blog/dive-in/) - My niece is getting ready to move to Indiana from California. She’s in for a bit of a culture shock. Yesterday we got over an inch of snow. She has never had to scrape ice off a car windshield. But she’s ready for the challenge. Our youngest son is about the same age as her. - [Hunkering](https://jeffstangerbooks.com/blog/hunkering/) - A good chunk of the U.S. got hit with bad weather this weekend. Indiana did its part by taking 15 inches or so of snow off the rest of your hands. So if you’re reading this from Florida, you can thank us whenever you like. And what do you do when you get 15 inches of - [Iguanas, Bears, and My Congress Mammal](https://jeffstangerbooks.com/blog/iguanas-bears-and-my-congress-mammal/) - In Florida, iguanas are dropping from the trees. Apparently when the temperature dips below 40 degrees, they suffer a phenomenon called “cold-stunning” that makes them sluggish and temporarily paralyzed. Then they fall to the ground and appear to be dead or frozen. I think I’m part iguana. When the temperature gets below 40, I too - [Don't Go Into Debt Over Furry Handcuffs](https://jeffstangerbooks.com/blog/dont-go-into-debt-over-furry-handcuffs/) - Now that the Super Bowl is over, it’s time for the Super Bowl of greeting card manufacturers, florists, and chocolatiers. Of course, I’m speaking of Valentine’s Day! The people who research things* say that Americans will spend $29 billion dollars on Valentine’s Day this year. That’s an average of $199.78 per person! Guess I need - [A Major Holiday or Three](https://jeffstangerbooks.com/blog/a-major-holiday-or-three/) - Today is the confluence of three major events! It should be a national holiday, and as you know from last week, I tried to discuss this with my Congress Mammal to no avail. But I am undaunted. Mostly because I have no idea where I left my daunts. I’m starting to think I may have - [When Sears Was Amazon](https://jeffstangerbooks.com/blog/when-sears-was-amazon/) - I watched a video the other day of a house being built in the 40s that was sold by Sears and sent by mail order to the buyer. A house! Do you realize we used to live in a country where people had the wherewithal to look at a picture of a house in a - [Tadpole's Glory](https://jeffstangerbooks.com/blog/tadpoles-glory/) - I lived in Carmel, Indiana, for 12 years. It was a lovely place, filled with roundabouts and art. It often lands on those Top 10 Places to Live lists that magazines publish annually to sell grass seed and kitchen redesigns. It has good schools, low crime, and clean streets. But it could have been more. It could have been - [The Citizen Waymo Controller](https://jeffstangerbooks.com/blog/the-citizen-waymo-controller/) - This past week, you may have seen the story about renegade Waymo taxis getting stuck in a cul-de-sac in suburban Atlanta. Most people were horrified by the possibilities of self-driving cars going rogue. Me? I saw an opportunity… If you’ve never heard of Waymo, it’s a self-driving taxi company that was started by Google in - [Check the Expiration Date](https://jeffstangerbooks.com/blog/check-the-expiration-date/) - This weekend, I opened a box of baseball cards from 1989. The gum was so stuck to the back card of each pack, you would have thought it had been glued on. I managed to get it off but didn’t have the courage to taste it. I’m at the age where it would take a - [The Community Disorganzier](https://jeffstangerbooks.com/blog/the-community-disorganzier/) - Someday I’m going to retire. Not from doing this, hopefully. But from my day job. And I’ve been thinking about what I might want to do in retirement. I know I need to find something to keep me busy to avoid being assigned copious house chores. Or, Heaven forbid, asked to serve on a committee! Speaking - [The Apostle of Nonsense](https://jeffstangerbooks.com/blog/the-apostle-of-nonsense/) - When I was in Salem a few weeks ago, I saw a statue of a priest named Father Theobold Mathew. As you can (sort of) see from the picture below, he was the “Apostle of Temperance.” (My apologies for cutting off the last line of the inscription as I’m a lousy photographer.) Theobold descended from ## Pages - [Home](https://jeffstangerbooks.com/) - The online home of Jeff Stanger, baseball author. - [New About Page](https://jeffstangerbooks.com/new-about-page/) - [et_pb_section fb_built=”1″ admin_label=”Page Title Section” _builder_version=”4.27.6″ background_color=”#2b313b” use_background_color_gradient=”on” background_color_gradient_direction=”90deg” background_color_gradient_stops=”#f4f4f4 50%|rgba(244,244,244,0) 80%” background_color_gradient_overlays_image=”on” background_color_gradient_start=”#f4f4f4″ background_color_gradient_start_position=”50%” background_color_gradient_end=”rgba(244,244,244,0)” background_color_gradient_end_position=”80%” background_image=”https://jeffstangerbooks.com/wp-content/uploads/2021/09/coc-header.png” background_enable_image=”off” custom_padding=”220px||150px|||” border_color_all=”#2b313b” global_module=”204709″ saved_tabs=”all” global_colors_info=”{}”][et_pb_row _builder_version=”4.27.6″ background_color=”#2b313b” background_size=”initial” background_position=”top_left” background_repeat=”repeat” max_width=”960px” custom_margin=”-192px|auto|40px|0px||” custom_padding=”27px|40px||10%” animation_style=”slide” animation_direction=”left” animation_intensity_slide=”2%” border_radii=”||6px|6px|” border_color_all=”#2b313b” border_style_all=”none” border_width_right=”30px” border_color_right=”#bdada0″ box_shadow_style=”preset3″ box_shadow_vertical=”35px” box_shadow_blur=”70px” box_shadow_spread=”-35px” box_shadow_color=”rgba(0,0,0,0.6)” use_custom_width=”on” custom_width_px=”960px” global_colors_info=”{}”][et_pb_column type=”4_4″ _builder_version=”4.16″ custom_padding=”|||” custom_padding_tablet=”|||10%” custom_padding_last_edited=”off|desktop” global_colors_info=”{}” padding_tablet=”|||10%” - [Free Downloads](https://jeffstangerbooks.com/free-downloads/) - [et_pb_section fb_built=”1″ custom_padding_last_edited=”on|desktop” admin_label=”Hero Section” module_id=”dotover” _builder_version=”4.27.6″ background_color=”#2b313b” background_enable_image=”off” custom_padding_tablet=”50px|0|50px|0″ custom_padding_phone=”” hover_enabled=”0″ transparent_background=”off” padding_mobile=”off” make_fullwidth=”off” use_custom_width=”off” width_unit=”on” global_colors_info=”{}” sticky_enabled=”0″][et_pb_row column_structure=”1_2,1_2″ padding_mobile=”off” column_padding_mobile=”on” admin_label=”Row” _builder_version=”4.16″ background_size=”initial” background_position=”top_left” background_repeat=”repeat” make_fullwidth=”off” use_custom_width=”off” width_unit=”on” custom_width_px=”1080px” custom_width_percent=”80%” global_colors_info=”{}”][et_pb_column type=”1_2″ _builder_version=”4.16″ custom_padding=”|||” global_colors_info=”{}” custom_padding__hover=”|||”][et_pb_image src=”https://jeffstangerbooks.com/wp-content/uploads/2019/06/72amazon.jpg” align=”center” force_fullwidth=”on” align_tablet=”center” align_phone=”” align_last_edited=”on|desktop” admin_label=”Image” _builder_version=”4.16″ animation_style=”slide” animation_direction=”left” animation_duration=”500ms” animation_intensity_slide=”10%” custom_css_main_element=”box-shadow: 10px 10px 5px 0px - [Contact](https://jeffstangerbooks.com/contact-2/) - [New Blog](https://jeffstangerbooks.com/new-blog/) - [et_pb_section fb_built=”1″ admin_label=”Blog Section” _builder_version=”4.16″ background_color=”#f4f4f4″ use_background_color_gradient=”on” background_color_gradient_stops=”#f4f4f4 0%|#ffffff 100%” background_color_gradient_start=”#f4f4f4″ background_color_gradient_end=”#ffffff” background_size=”contain” background_position=”top_center” min_height=”1624.4px” custom_margin=”-48px|||||” custom_padding=”100px||10%|” top_divider_color=”rgba(255,255,255,0.3)” locked=”off” global_colors_info=”{}”][et_pb_row _builder_version=”4.16″ global_colors_info=”{}”][et_pb_column type=”4_4″ _builder_version=”4.16″ custom_padding=”|||” global_colors_info=”{}” custom_padding__hover=”|||”][et_pb_blog fullwidth=”off” posts_number=”6″ include_categories=”70″ show_categories=”off” _builder_version=”4.16″ header_font=”Abhaya Libre|700|||||||” header_font_size=”24px” header_line_height=”1.4em” body_font=”Nunito||||||||” body_font_size=”16px” body_line_height=”1.8em” meta_font=”Nunito||||||||” meta_line_height=”1.8em” pagination_font=”Nunito|700||on|||||” pagination_text_color=”#c7755a” pagination_letter_spacing=”2px” animation_style=”fade” border_radii=”on|6px|6px|6px|6px” border_width_all=”0px” box_shadow_style=”preset3″ box_shadow_vertical=”35px” box_shadow_blur=”50px” box_shadow_spread=”-35px” box_shadow_color=”rgba(0,0,0,0.5)” global_colors_info=”{}”][/et_pb_blog][/et_pb_column][/et_pb_row][/et_pb_section][et_pb_section fb_built=”1″ admin_label=”Footer - [Review Copies](https://jeffstangerbooks.com/contact-2/review-copies/) - Need a review copy for your magazine or blog? There are two ways. Story Origin is the best way to review the following titles: 72 Hours in Savannah (Click Here) The Fungo Society (CIick Here) Or, fill out the form below and we'll be happy to send you a copy. - [Privacy Policy](https://jeffstangerbooks.com/privacy-policy/) - Who we are Our website address is: http://jeffstangerbooks.com. What personal data we collect and why we collect it Comments When visitors leave comments on the site we collect the data shown in the comments form, and also the visitor’s IP address and browser user agent string to help spam detection. 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T-shirt. on Square Market on Square Market ## Events - [SABR Oscar Charleston Chapter](https://jeffstangerbooks.com/event/sabr-oscar-charleston-chapter/) - The Notorious Artifacts of Baseball: Presented by Jeff Stanger I'll be presenting at the October meeting of SABR Oscar Charleston (Indianapolis) Chapter. - [Greenwood Library 2019 Author Fair](https://jeffstangerbooks.com/event/greenwood-library-2019-author-fair/) - I'll be back at the Greenwood Public Library's 2019 Author Fair this year. And thanks to Indy Card Exchange, I'll be giving out a free pack of Topps 2019 archives with each book purchased. Here are more details from Greenwood Public Library about the event: All are invited to attend GPL's annual Local Author Fair! - [99¢ Mystery Sale](https://jeffstangerbooks.com/event/99¢-mystery-sale/) - I've teamed up with 16 other mystery writers for a 99¢ sale. You can see some of the covers and authors in the image above. Click here to see the full list. - [Mystery & Thriller Shorts Promo (Discover New Authors for FREE!)](https://jeffstangerbooks.com/event/mystery-thriller-shorts-promo-discover-new-authors-for-free/) - I've teamed up with a bunch of mystery writers for a promo this month. You can download short stories, previews, and novellas (most free or 99 cents). There are over 140 different titles to choose from. Discover your next favorite mystery! - [Bookfair for National Novel Writing Month (NaNoWriMo)](https://jeffstangerbooks.com/event/bookfair-for-national-novel-writing-month-nanowrimo/) - [Greenwood Public Library Local Author Fair](https://jeffstangerbooks.com/event/greenwood-public-library-local-author-fair/) - Join me and other local authors at the Greenwood Public Library Saturday, October 17th, from 2-4pm. - [Baseball Book Festival](https://jeffstangerbooks.com/event/baseball-book-festival/) - The Baseball Book Festival is coming back to Indianapolis. The keynote speaker and panel speakers have not been announced yet. The keynote from the previous event was former Dodger Carl Erskine. There will be multiple authors in attendance and a chance to purchase books and have them signed. Can't make the event? You can join - [NaNoWriMo Meetup](https://jeffstangerbooks.com/event/nanowrimo-meetup-2/) - Join me and other Indy Northsiders at Panera in Broadripple for an evening of writing. - [Baseball Memorabilia Show](https://jeffstangerbooks.com/event/book-signing/) - I'll be signing books at the Baseball Card & Memorabilia show in Fishers on November 22nd. - [NaNoWriMo Meetup](https://jeffstangerbooks.com/event/nanowrimo-meetup/) - Join me and other Indy Northsiders at Panera in Broadripple for an evening of writing. - [Indianapolis Author Fair ](https://jeffstangerbooks.com/event/indianapolis-author-fair/) - I'll be one of the authors at the 2014 Indy Author Fair at the Indianapolis Public Library. Meet Hoosier authors and there will be workshops before and after the event. ## Books - [Tales From A Roundabout: Volume 4](https://jeffstangerbooks.com/books/tales-from-a-roundabout-volume-4/) - Tales from a Roundabout Vol 4 is a wild ride through the quirky town of Carmel, Indiana, where the residents are as unpredictable as the weather. This book is a delightful collection of interconnected stories that revolve around the town's most eccentric characters and their hilarious misadventures. Meet Joe Melvin, a man whose life is so tangled that even his truck can't handle it. When his attempt at a dramatic exit goes hilariously wrong, you'll find yourself laughing out loud at his misfortune. Then there's Officer Lupinsky, who seems to have a knack for getting involved in the most bizarre situations, from dealing with a naked senior citizen to arresting a parade spot thief. The town's mayor, Teddy Wiggins, is planning his grand exit with a parade float that’s supposed to showcase his legacy. But with a series of unfortunate events, his big moment turns into a chaotic spectacle that no one will ever forget. And let's not forget the Lederhosen Mafia, a group of pranksters who add a dash of mayhem to the town's already colorful events. Their antics, combined with the town's peculiar residents, create a perfect storm of comedy and chaos. From a goat yoga float to a million-dollar inheritance, "Tales from a Roundabout Vol 4" is a laugh-out-loud journey through a town where anything can happen, and usually does. Jeff Stanger's witty writing and unforgettable characters make this book a must-read for anyone who enjoys a good laugh and a dose of small-town charm. - [Tales From a Roundabout: Volume 1](https://jeffstangerbooks.com/books/tales-from-a-roundabout/) - Just when you needed a good laugh, Jeff Stanger is back with a collection of hilarious stories set in Indiana's wealthiest suburb and home to America's most roundabouts. City Council banned a gentlemen's club from opening within the city's borders. Now, the club owner is out for revenge and he plans an outrageous spectacle in the center of one of the city's most visible roundabouts. The public display of dancers brings the wrath of the Lakewood Estates Association Moms. And the obsession of the Lakewood Estates middle school boys! Now the club owner and mayor are in a battle with ever-increasing stakes and outrageousness. And the boys will risk being grounded for life, just to impress a dancer twice their ages. And hiding in the shadows is a city council member with a score to settle before his time in office ends. Fans of Tim Dorsey and Carl Hiaasen will enjoy this hilarious collection. Episodes: Episode I: Performance Art Episode II: Political Unrest Episode III: Modern Ballet Episode IV: She Sheds, Man Caves, and Boy Basements Episode V: The Tomb of the Unknown Roadie - [Tales From a Roundabout: Volume 3](https://jeffstangerbooks.com/books/205013/) - Stanger Jeff Tales From a Roundabout: Volume 3 - [Tales From a Roundabout: Volume 2](https://jeffstangerbooks.com/books/tales-from-a-roundabout-volume-2/) - Tales From a Roundabout: Volume 2 A Collection of Funny Short Stories set in Carmel, Indiana --a City Obsessed with Art, Status, and Traffic Circles! For fans of Volume 1, Mayor Teddy Wiggins is back and facing his toughest electoral opponent yet. The boys of Lakeshore Estates are back too and they've stolen the head of the mayor's favorite statue: himself! You'll also meet Marci Emerald —an influencer whose empire has crumbled due to a college entrance scandal. And a new resident of Carmel, an androgynous person named Bulb is leading an anarchist group named the Lederhosen Mafia. Get ready for another fun ride through the roundabouts of upscale suburbia. Fans of Tim Dorsey and Carl Hiaasen will enjoy this hilarious collection. Episodes: Episode VI: Heavy is the Head Episode VII: Inclusive Statues Episode VIII: The Rise of the Lederhosen Mafia Episode IX: Everyone is a Genius at Something Episode X: Art & Feces - [Best of the Blog Box Set](https://jeffstangerbooks.com/books/best-of-the-blog-box-set/) - Blue Trolley Press is proud to present the Best of the Blog Series books together for the first time in one complete collection. The series represents twenty years of highlights from Jeff Stanger’s popular Carry on, Citizens blog. Stanger’s blog has entertained readers for nearly 20 years. Included in this set are: • Common Side Effects • The Cottage Cheese Incident • I Bought a Chore • Tales From the Vaccination Line - [Tales From the Vaccination Line](https://jeffstangerbooks.com/books/tales-from-the-vaccination-line/) - The Best of 2021! Last year was a slight improvement on 2020. But we still had to navigate COVID and more nonsense in the world of politics. But each week readers who wanted a brief escape from the misery of the news cycle tuned into the blog and newsletters of Jeff Stanger. By fan vote, these are the funniest, most entertaining of the lot. Ever since the Mid 90s when he was a columnist for BC Magazine, Jeff has been putting his humorous stamp on politics, sports, and entertainment. Excerpts: For example, our washing machine won't work. Now, the average person would say, "it's broken." And the average person would be wrong. The average person doesn't have superpowers. But the Men Who Fix Things would tell you (after studying the unit, harrumphing several times, and referencing how "they don't make them like this anymore," will tell you that, "the water pump, compressor valve, and salad inverter (whatever that is) on your washing machine are all shot." *** I've long considered hair implants —on my knees. I want to be the start of the knee beard trend. But my wife, who is very insightful, slipped a "No knee beards" clause into our wedding vows. I couldn't remember actually saying that, but she showed me a video of the vows and sure enough, I said it. However, the voice doesn't sound like mine, so I'm not so sure that some editing hasn't taken place. *** I for one can get on board with the affirmation candles. I sometimes feel as if the candles my wife buys are judging me. That raspberry pomegranate candle in the kitchen is filled with scorn, I just know it. *** The chore store (aka the hardware store) is an intimidating place where they sell chores disguised as tools, appliances, toilets, etc. This is a place where men and women who are "handy" use phrases like flush bolt and half-mortise hinge. They know what a knob shank is. I don't know what a knob shank is. But I'm pretty sure my mom would still try to wash my mouth out if I said it in front of her and I'm a grown man with a family and a mortgage. Download the Tales From The Vaccination Line and have a few laughs! - [I Bought A Chore](https://jeffstangerbooks.com/books/i-bought-a-chore/) - Holidays, shopping, the bathroom debate, and raising teenagers. Nothing is off-limits in this hilarious collection of posts from the 2010s. Grab this collection from Jeff Stanger's Carry On Citizens blog and prepare to laugh. From I Bought a Chore: On lawncare... "I’m all for robots mowing the lawn, pulling the weeds, and watering the flowers. And if they could add a feature where the robot gardener yanks moles out of the ground and catapults them onto my neighbor’s rooftop, I would watch that for hours and hours." On veggies... "I don't trust kale and neither should you. Did you know that kale was introduced to Americans by a man who refused to eat kale? What does that tell you?" On Halloween... "Since some people are bent on shaming others due to the small size of their free candy, I’ve spent many hours (or minutes) pondering this issue. And due to the twisted nature of my brain, I wondered to myself, “Self, how could I take this absurd issue and make it, well, even more absurd.” And then it hit me. CAKE." On greetings... "Someone sent me their warmest regards today. Do you realize what that means? Those regards can’t be any warmer!" Ever since the Mid 90s when he was a columnist for BC Magazine, Jeff has been putting his humorous stamp on politics, sports, and entertainment. In addition to his weekly column, he is the author of four novels, including the Quick Mystery Series. - [Common Side Effects](https://jeffstangerbooks.com/books/common-side-effects/) - Celebrate 10 Years of Carry On, Citizens with popular posts and new material from author Jeff Stanger! Carry On, Citizens has been making people laugh for a decade and Common Side Effects shines a light on the disturbing (yet never boring) mind of Jeff Stanger. Ever since the Mid 90s when he was a columnist for BC Magazine, Jeff has been putting his humorous stamp on politics, sports, and entertainment. From Common Side Effects: "I'm guessing he's like the Peyton Manning of Elf Druids." “We have also concluded that people that eat pudding every day never die. Ever.” “One side effect I’ve noticed is that I’m growing beards on my kneecaps.” "70% of moms are really just tired, despite claiming to be sick and tired." - [The Cottage Cheese Incident (And Other Mishaps of the Quarantine)](https://jeffstangerbooks.com/books/the-cottage-cheese-incident-and-other-mishaps-of-the-quarantine/) - 2020 was a true life Holywood disaster film. But each week readers who wanted a brief escape from the misery of the news cycle tuned into the blog and newsletters of Jeff Stanger. By fan vote, these are the funniest, most entertaining of the lot. Ever since the Mid 90s when he was a columnist for BC Magazine, Jeff has been putting his humorous stamp on politics, sports, and entertainment. Download the Cottage Cheese incident and have a few laughs! - [72 Hours in Savannah](https://jeffstangerbooks.com/books/72-hours-in-savannah/) - Death by trophy? Quick is back and he's got only a short window of time to find who killed the groundskeeper at historic Grayson Stadium in Savannah. Somewhere near or under the ballpark, locals believe a pirate treasure is hidden. Could a missing trophy hold the key? If you enjoyed the first Quick Baseball Mystery - [Sexy Shoes](https://jeffstangerbooks.com/books/sexy-shoes/) - Goodreads reviews for Sexy Shoes Reviews from Goodreads.com - [Tangled in the Web](https://jeffstangerbooks.com/books/tangled-in-the-web/) - Goodreads reviews for Tangled In The Web Reviews from Goodreads.com - [The Fungo Society](https://jeffstangerbooks.com/books/the-fungo-society/) - Murder or suicide? That's the question the members of the Fungo Society wants Jonathan Quick to help answer. But Quick isn't a cop or a detective. He finds rare and unusual sports memorabilia. And the answer to this mystery might be connected to a missing jersey. The Fungo Society is a mystery served with a - [Kansaska](https://jeffstangerbooks.com/books/kansaska/) - Kansaska is a humorous, romantic novel set in the semi-pro baseball leagues that flourished in 1940's America. The Kansaska Retail Agricultural Products League is dominated by the Red cloud Arrowheads, while the lowly Portis Eskimos bring up the rear. Portis hasn't won a championship in nineteen years. However, this year their hopes rest on a new boss, desperate to win the pennant. His job and his engagement depend on it. - [Keep Your Eye On The Money](https://jeffstangerbooks.com/books/keep-your-eye-on-the-money/) - Goodreads reviews for Keep Your Eye On The Money Reviews from Goodreads.com - [Trolley Dodgers](https://jeffstangerbooks.com/books/trolley-dodgers/) - What do a sports reporter, a radio talk-show host and a Mary Kay Sales Director have in common? They're trying to buy the Los Angeles Dodgers. Follow the town of Bloomington, Indiana on its quest to buy the L.A. Dodgers and move them to the Midwest. You'll enjoy getting to know the funny residents of ## Categories - [Uncategorized](https://jeffstangerbooks.com/blog/category/uncategorized/) - [Excerpts](https://jeffstangerbooks.com/blog/category/excerpts/) - [Quick Mysteries](https://jeffstangerbooks.com/blog/category/quick-mysteries/) - [Free Fiction Fridays](https://jeffstangerbooks.com/blog/category/free-fiction-fridays/) - [Baseball Video Archives](https://jeffstangerbooks.com/blog/category/baseball-video-archives/) - [Baseball Cards](https://jeffstangerbooks.com/blog/category/baseball-cards/) - [Auctions](https://jeffstangerbooks.com/blog/category/auctions/) - [Collecting Tips](https://jeffstangerbooks.com/blog/category/collecting-tips/) - [Autographs](https://jeffstangerbooks.com/blog/category/autographs/) - [Authenticating Items](https://jeffstangerbooks.com/blog/category/authenticating-items/) - [Movies/Documentaries](https://jeffstangerbooks.com/blog/category/moviesdocumentaries/) - [Ballparks](https://jeffstangerbooks.com/blog/category/ballparks/) - [Bobbleheads](https://jeffstangerbooks.com/blog/category/bobbleheads/) - [Citizen Entertainment](https://jeffstangerbooks.com/blog/category/citizen-entertainment/) - [Citizen Thoughts](https://jeffstangerbooks.com/blog/category/citizen-thoughts/) - [Tales From A Roundabout](https://jeffstangerbooks.com/blog/category/tales-from-a-roundabout/) - [Alternate History](https://jeffstangerbooks.com/blog/category/alternate-history/) - [Book Promos](https://jeffstangerbooks.com/blog/category/book-promos/) - [Geography](https://jeffstangerbooks.com/blog/category/geography/) - [Science](https://jeffstangerbooks.com/blog/category/science/) - [Chores](https://jeffstangerbooks.com/blog/category/chores/) - [History (Sort of)](https://jeffstangerbooks.com/blog/category/history-sort-of/) ## Tags - [google](https://jeffstangerbooks.com/blog/tag/google/) - [Politics](https://jeffstangerbooks.com/blog/tag/politics/) - [MLB](https://jeffstangerbooks.com/blog/tag/mlb/) - [World Series](https://jeffstangerbooks.com/blog/tag/world-series/) - 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[UFO](https://jeffstangerbooks.com/blog/tag/ufo/) - [Pentagon](https://jeffstangerbooks.com/blog/tag/pentagon/) - [Dave & Busters](https://jeffstangerbooks.com/blog/tag/dave-busters/) - [Marvin the Martian](https://jeffstangerbooks.com/blog/tag/marvin-the-martian/) - [zoom](https://jeffstangerbooks.com/blog/tag/zoom/) - [telemarketers](https://jeffstangerbooks.com/blog/tag/telemarketers/) - [silence of the lambs](https://jeffstangerbooks.com/blog/tag/silence-of-the-lambs/) - [IRS](https://jeffstangerbooks.com/blog/tag/irs/) - [tour de france](https://jeffstangerbooks.com/blog/tag/tour-de-france/) - [marmots](https://jeffstangerbooks.com/blog/tag/marmots/) - [Congress](https://jeffstangerbooks.com/blog/tag/congress/) - [Florida](https://jeffstangerbooks.com/blog/tag/florida/) - [north dakota](https://jeffstangerbooks.com/blog/tag/north-dakota/) - [rose](https://jeffstangerbooks.com/blog/tag/rose/) - [mars](https://jeffstangerbooks.com/blog/tag/mars/) - [god of war](https://jeffstangerbooks.com/blog/tag/god-of-war/) - [peacemaker](https://jeffstangerbooks.com/blog/tag/peacemaker/) - [Carmel schools](https://jeffstangerbooks.com/blog/tag/carmel-schools/) - [school bus](https://jeffstangerbooks.com/blog/tag/school-bus/) - [groceries](https://jeffstangerbooks.com/blog/tag/groceries/) - [12 items or less](https://jeffstangerbooks.com/blog/tag/12-items-or-less/) - [National weather service](https://jeffstangerbooks.com/blog/tag/national-weather-service/) - [weather advisory](https://jeffstangerbooks.com/blog/tag/weather-advisory/) - [fantasy football](https://jeffstangerbooks.com/blog/tag/fantasy-football/) - [batman](https://jeffstangerbooks.com/blog/tag/batman/) - [hulk](https://jeffstangerbooks.com/blog/tag/hulk/) - [cheerleaders](https://jeffstangerbooks.com/blog/tag/cheerleaders/) - [sushi](https://jeffstangerbooks.com/blog/tag/sushi/) - [mashed potatoes](https://jeffstangerbooks.com/blog/tag/mashed-potatoes/) - [the exercist](https://jeffstangerbooks.com/blog/tag/the-exercist/) - [comfort food](https://jeffstangerbooks.com/blog/tag/comfort-food/) - [bears](https://jeffstangerbooks.com/blog/tag/bears/) - [hunting](https://jeffstangerbooks.com/blog/tag/hunting/) - [fox hunt](https://jeffstangerbooks.com/blog/tag/fox-hunt/) - [Amazon](https://jeffstangerbooks.com/blog/tag/amazon/) - [best seller](https://jeffstangerbooks.com/blog/tag/best-seller/) - [Publisher's Clearing House](https://jeffstangerbooks.com/blog/tag/publishers-clearing-house/) - [Karen](https://jeffstangerbooks.com/blog/tag/karen/) - [OxyClean](https://jeffstangerbooks.com/blog/tag/oxyclean/) - [chicken marsala](https://jeffstangerbooks.com/blog/tag/chicken-marsala/) - [anna maria island](https://jeffstangerbooks.com/blog/tag/anna-maria-island/) - [ami](https://jeffstangerbooks.com/blog/tag/ami/) - [beach](https://jeffstangerbooks.com/blog/tag/beach/) - [vacation](https://jeffstangerbooks.com/blog/tag/vacation/) - [pelicans](https://jeffstangerbooks.com/blog/tag/pelicans/) - [instagram](https://jeffstangerbooks.com/blog/tag/instagram/) - [no time to die](https://jeffstangerbooks.com/blog/tag/no-time-to-die/) - 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[TSA](https://jeffstangerbooks.com/blog/tag/tsa/) - [M&Ms](https://jeffstangerbooks.com/blog/tag/mms/) - [flame thrower](https://jeffstangerbooks.com/blog/tag/flame-thrower/) - [Barney Fife](https://jeffstangerbooks.com/blog/tag/barney-fife/) - [Coronavirus](https://jeffstangerbooks.com/blog/tag/coronavirus/) - [President Roosevelt](https://jeffstangerbooks.com/blog/tag/president-roosevelt/) - [Alligators](https://jeffstangerbooks.com/blog/tag/alligators/) - [Big Mac](https://jeffstangerbooks.com/blog/tag/big-mac/) - [Kalamazoo](https://jeffstangerbooks.com/blog/tag/kalamazoo/) - [Barenaked Ladies](https://jeffstangerbooks.com/blog/tag/barenaked-ladies/) - [Gin Blossoms](https://jeffstangerbooks.com/blog/tag/gin-blossoms/) - [Toad the Wet Sprocket](https://jeffstangerbooks.com/blog/tag/toad-the-wet-sprocket/) - [Last Summer On Earth Tour](https://jeffstangerbooks.com/blog/tag/last-summer-on-earth-tour/) - [sump pump](https://jeffstangerbooks.com/blog/tag/sump-pump/) - [JFK](https://jeffstangerbooks.com/blog/tag/jfk/) - 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[spy museum](https://jeffstangerbooks.com/blog/tag/spy-museum/) - [washington dc](https://jeffstangerbooks.com/blog/tag/washington-dc/) - [Tipton Indiana](https://jeffstangerbooks.com/blog/tag/tipton-indiana/) - [pork festival](https://jeffstangerbooks.com/blog/tag/pork-festival/) - [bon jovi](https://jeffstangerbooks.com/blog/tag/bon-jovi/) - [bed bath and beyond](https://jeffstangerbooks.com/blog/tag/bed-bath-and-beyond/) - [carnival](https://jeffstangerbooks.com/blog/tag/carnival/) - [volcano](https://jeffstangerbooks.com/blog/tag/volcano/) - [influencer](https://jeffstangerbooks.com/blog/tag/influencer/) - [tiktok](https://jeffstangerbooks.com/blog/tag/tiktok/) - [rum](https://jeffstangerbooks.com/blog/tag/rum/) - [Southwest Airlines](https://jeffstangerbooks.com/blog/tag/southwest-airlines/) - [Yes](https://jeffstangerbooks.com/blog/tag/yes/) - [National Roundabout Week](https://jeffstangerbooks.com/blog/tag/national-roundabout-week/) - [Carmel](https://jeffstangerbooks.com/blog/tag/carmel/) - 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