Intern Wanted

Dear Citizens,

It has recently come to my attention that there are millions of out of work Citizens in America. And due to the clever leadership offered by Democrats and Republicans in Washington, this situation does not appear to be changing anytime soon. If fact, it we may never see leadership out of Democrats and Republicans. But, the job situation is about to change. Sort of.

I’m offering for the first time, an internship! That’s right, Citizens, you could be my intern/personal assistant/iPod syncher (not sure if that’s a word, but it’s a necessary part of doing this job). Of course, there will be no money involved. We wouldn’t want to jeopardize your unemployment benefits that Congress so generously extended just today. Besides, how can you put a price on the valuable experience you will gain as you join me in the following activities:

• Picking out a tie.
• Recording podcasts with me and Brian!
• Raising money for a good cause.
• Spell checking my next novel!
• Helping me figure out which album that one Billy Idol song is on…
• Helping me avoid occasions where I have to wear a tie.
• Answering my phone calls in a snotty tone and saying I’m not available. Ever.
• Helping me organize my collection of bobble head dolls.
• Arguing with my turtle that it’s time to go in his shell.*
• Filling my Pez dispenser.
• Check that, finding my Pez dispenser.

We’re not limiting this search to just the jobless. Want to quit your job and come hang out with me all day? I can’t pay you but there will be plenty of beverages and M & M’s.*  You will also get a Citizen Intern t-shirt, you’re own intern blog, and an office.*

So, do you have what it takes to be the first Citizen Intern? Well, make your case with either a blog comment or Facebook comment and Carry On Citizens Intern Search Team will evaluate your pitch. And if you’re not up for an internship, then please forward this to somebody who really who doesn’t need money but would benefit from being exposed to my unique brand of oddness (I just realized that “exposed” is probably not the right word to use in an intern recruiting ad, but relax this isn’t Capital Hill!). I’m counting on you Citizens! I’m counting on one of you to answer the call. I’m counting on one of you to say “yes” to adventure. I’m counting on one of you to find my Pez dispenser!

Carry on, Citizens!

Disclaimers and fine print:

*Turtle doesn’t bite.

*Plain or Peanut.

*Office may in fact be a chair in my office.