I’ve had writer’s block for 2 days. Maybe I got spoiled by the weather last week. You would think the turning leaves would inspire lots of words, but not so much. So, I decided to write about writer’s block. It’s kind of like word constipation, but there’s no literary laxative that I’ve been able to find. Trust me, I’ve looked.
As of this afternoon, I’m no longer allowed in the Walgreen’s in Carmel, IN. I went there in search of literary laxatives and asked an employee named Betty (Not her real name. Her real name was Cheryl).
Me: I need a literary laxative.
Betty: You need a what?
Me: A literary laxative. I’m a writer and I’m having writer’s block. I need to get the words flowing.
Betty: And you think a laxative will help?
Me: Well, you have several types here. I was hoping you might have one that specializes in this kind of problem.
Betty: You do know these work out the other end?
Me: So you don’t have a literary laxative?
Betty: Unless you plan to back up to your keyboard, no.
Me: Maybe I should ask the Pharmacist.
I then asked the pharmacist, who fired back a question of his own.
Pharmacist: Is your wife with you?
Me: No, why?
Pharmacist: Is there anyone else that can drive you home?
Me: Why, I haven’t been drinking.
Pharmacist: I almost wish you had. Please don’t come here again!
So, I failed to find literary laxatives. However, I’m thinking about starting a project on Kickstarter to hire a scientist to invent them. Or, I can just keep writing about not writing.
Carry on, Citizens!